1 00:02:36,197 --> 00:02:38,074 Who the hell's Roderick Blank? 2 00:02:39,325 --> 00:02:41,244 That would be me. 3 00:02:43,329 --> 00:02:45,039 You ever see a guy walking down the street 4 00:02:45,123 --> 00:02:47,375 looking so happy and content you wanna find the nearest brick 5 00:02:47,458 --> 00:02:50,044 and turn his face into hamburger meat? 6 00:02:50,128 --> 00:02:52,755 I'm sorry. That April morning, I was that guy. 7 00:02:52,839 --> 00:02:54,048 I couldn't help it. 8 00:02:54,132 --> 00:02:56,050 I had what I thought at the time to be it all: 9 00:02:56,134 --> 00:02:58,344 excellent job, excellent soon-to-be wife, 10 00:02:58,428 --> 00:03:00,054 excellent life. 11 00:03:00,138 --> 00:03:02,390 If only I hadn't let Trixie open that last e-mail. 12 00:03:02,473 --> 00:03:04,976 What would you say if I broke out into song right now? 13 00:03:05,059 --> 00:03:08,062 You know how this good mood thing of yours is killing me, Rod. 14 00:03:08,146 --> 00:03:11,065 And yet... you persist. 15 00:03:11,149 --> 00:03:13,067 Stop. 16 00:03:13,151 --> 00:03:16,196 Stop! Or we're never gonna get through these e-mails. 17 00:03:16,279 --> 00:03:19,657 Oh. Here's a beauty from Lester. 18 00:03:19,741 --> 00:03:23,077 "'Re: Bachelor Party Stripper Crisis." 19 00:03:23,161 --> 00:03:25,330 Have I told you how grateful I am that I'm a lesbian? 20 00:03:25,413 --> 00:03:27,248 Delete! Delete! My God. 21 00:03:27,332 --> 00:03:30,084 Men like Lester are the reason Death Nell was invented. 22 00:03:30,168 --> 00:03:33,087 I was a man above temptation. 23 00:03:33,171 --> 00:03:35,548 Other woman had lost all appeal. 24 00:03:35,632 --> 00:03:37,926 One in particular. 25 00:03:38,009 --> 00:03:40,094 They called her Death Nell, 26 00:03:40,178 --> 00:03:42,639 even though, technically, she hadn't killed anyone. 27 00:03:42,722 --> 00:03:44,807 Different hairstyles, different outfits, 28 00:03:44,891 --> 00:03:47,268 different spray-painted messages. 29 00:03:51,022 --> 00:03:53,775 The same comatose result. 30 00:03:55,109 --> 00:03:57,362 It was all we could talk about that spring. 31 00:03:57,445 --> 00:04:00,114 Five dates leading to subversive seduction 32 00:04:00,198 --> 00:04:03,117 and ending in endless slumber. 33 00:04:03,201 --> 00:04:04,535 She was the worst thing to happen to men, 34 00:04:04,619 --> 00:04:06,079 and the best thing to happen to media 35 00:04:06,162 --> 00:04:08,748 in quite some time. 36 00:04:08,831 --> 00:04:11,125 Needless to say, I had picked the perfect moment 37 00:04:11,209 --> 00:04:13,002 to be getting out of the game. 38 00:04:14,379 --> 00:04:16,965 For every guy or gal, there comes a time 39 00:04:17,048 --> 00:04:19,717 when you say, it's time. 40 00:04:21,219 --> 00:04:24,597 Meet Fiona Wormwood, my wife-to-be. 41 00:04:24,681 --> 00:04:26,849 Stop staring, perv. 42 00:04:26,933 --> 00:04:30,144 It's funny, looking back. 43 00:04:30,228 --> 00:04:32,146 She was not the sweetest girl in the world. 44 00:04:32,230 --> 00:04:33,606 Just, I-- I like-- okay. 45 00:04:33,690 --> 00:04:35,149 But when it comes to the person you're spending 46 00:04:35,233 --> 00:04:38,152 the rest of your life with, you want a bit of a sting. 47 00:04:38,236 --> 00:04:39,654 There. 48 00:04:39,737 --> 00:04:42,115 Your married friends call you up for a barbecue. 49 00:04:44,242 --> 00:04:46,577 -They tell you... - It's time. 50 00:04:46,661 --> 00:04:48,162 Your parents tell you... 51 00:04:48,246 --> 00:04:50,581 Son, it's time. 52 00:04:51,874 --> 00:04:53,793 The whole damn universe tells you. 53 00:04:58,214 --> 00:04:59,924 Don't make me the villain. 54 00:05:00,008 --> 00:05:01,050 I told your sister 55 00:05:01,134 --> 00:05:03,177 exactly how many pounds she had to drop 56 00:05:03,261 --> 00:05:05,763 to fit into that bridesmaid's dress. 57 00:05:05,847 --> 00:05:09,642 Enough. Let's talk about orchids. Orchids. 58 00:05:09,726 --> 00:05:11,185 Yep. It was time. 59 00:05:11,269 --> 00:05:13,229 Okay, if you can tear yourself back to work... 60 00:05:13,313 --> 00:05:15,189 Thank you. I've downloaded the Big Mac. 61 00:05:15,273 --> 00:05:18,192 I mean The Matador! I don't know. 62 00:05:18,276 --> 00:05:20,236 It looks like two all-beef patties, special sauce, 63 00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:23,197 lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun to me. 64 00:05:23,281 --> 00:05:24,198 Boss. 65 00:05:24,282 --> 00:05:26,200 Hey, that's very special sauce-- 66 00:05:26,284 --> 00:05:29,662 As for the "excellent job" part of my life, 67 00:05:29,746 --> 00:05:31,205 I like to tell reporters, 68 00:05:31,289 --> 00:05:32,832 "It's always been my dream to work 69 00:05:32,915 --> 00:05:34,500 in a fast-food restaurant." 70 00:05:34,584 --> 00:05:35,877 I was being cute. 71 00:05:35,960 --> 00:05:38,421 Our place was different. You know...classy. 72 00:05:38,504 --> 00:05:39,964 The plan was simple. 73 00:05:40,048 --> 00:05:42,050 Swallow up the food names, sleek the uniforms, 74 00:05:42,133 --> 00:05:43,426 Starbuck the decor. 75 00:05:43,509 --> 00:05:45,511 Welcome to Swallows. 76 00:05:45,595 --> 00:05:47,055 One Swallow Cornucopia to go! 77 00:05:48,598 --> 00:05:50,725 Have a startling and unique day. 78 00:05:50,808 --> 00:05:52,226 You, too. 79 00:05:52,310 --> 00:05:55,146 Please, Trixie, tell me that was the last goddamn e-mail. 80 00:05:55,229 --> 00:05:57,065 No, there's one more. 81 00:05:57,148 --> 00:05:58,524 Hold on. 82 00:05:58,608 --> 00:06:00,068 Doesn't say who it's from. 83 00:06:01,652 --> 00:06:02,737 I don't know. 84 00:06:02,820 --> 00:06:04,989 I'm getting, like, a virus vibe here. 85 00:06:06,199 --> 00:06:07,325 Okay! It's your life. 86 00:06:10,328 --> 00:06:11,329 Oh, that's weird. 87 00:06:13,414 --> 00:06:14,749 It's a list of names. 88 00:06:14,832 --> 00:06:16,250 Must be more wedding bullshit. 89 00:06:16,334 --> 00:06:18,252 Well, they're all women's names. 90 00:06:18,336 --> 00:06:21,214 Number one-- does the name Patricia Francini ring a bell? 91 00:06:21,297 --> 00:06:22,757 Patricia Francini? 92 00:06:22,840 --> 00:06:24,717 Whoa, I haven't heard that name in... 93 00:06:24,801 --> 00:06:27,845 Patty and I were co-captains of my high school debate team, 94 00:06:27,929 --> 00:06:29,472 her main claim to fame being that, 95 00:06:29,555 --> 00:06:31,265 in classic backseat drive-in fashion, 96 00:06:31,349 --> 00:06:33,267 she took my virginity. 97 00:06:33,351 --> 00:06:35,978 Clan of the Cave Bear was the movie. 98 00:06:36,062 --> 00:06:37,397 Drive-in's now a Staples. 99 00:06:37,480 --> 00:06:38,981 What did you say this list was? 100 00:06:39,065 --> 00:06:40,733 I didn't, unless Allison Bradbury 101 00:06:40,817 --> 00:06:43,277 is the second girl you ever had sex with. 102 00:06:43,361 --> 00:06:45,321 - Whoa. - No way. 103 00:06:45,405 --> 00:06:48,282 Are you saying this is a list of everyone you ever had sex with? 104 00:06:48,366 --> 00:06:50,034 Who's number three? 105 00:06:50,118 --> 00:06:51,327 Well, that would be Debbie Roberts. 106 00:06:51,411 --> 00:06:52,578 No, wait. She was four. 107 00:06:54,956 --> 00:06:57,708 Who was the spooky drunk girl at the 4-H fair? 108 00:06:57,792 --> 00:07:00,420 I had to drive her home, 'cause her brother was, uh-- 109 00:07:00,503 --> 00:07:02,839 Daisy Milos Ross? 110 00:07:02,922 --> 00:07:04,298 Yes! Crazy Daisy! 111 00:07:04,382 --> 00:07:07,176 Milos-- what? Ross? 112 00:07:07,260 --> 00:07:08,177 Who sent this? 113 00:07:08,261 --> 00:07:09,303 Is this some... 114 00:07:09,387 --> 00:07:10,304 pre-bachelor party trick, 115 00:07:10,388 --> 00:07:12,557 of all the girls I've loved before? 116 00:07:12,640 --> 00:07:15,726 But who would know about Daisy Milos Ross? 117 00:07:15,810 --> 00:07:18,229 Damn, Roderick, this is an insane amount of pussy. 118 00:07:18,312 --> 00:07:19,856 Well, thanks. 119 00:07:19,939 --> 00:07:22,316 I don't know if I'd call 29 women insane. 120 00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:24,902 I guess some guys might be impressed by the big two-nine, 121 00:07:24,986 --> 00:07:27,405 but I racked up most of those numbers as an undergrad. 122 00:07:27,488 --> 00:07:29,157 Uh, Sparky? 123 00:07:29,240 --> 00:07:32,368 There's more than 29 wild oats on this list, a lot more. 124 00:07:32,452 --> 00:07:36,038 Trix. T. Now, it's not like I'm one of those silly guys 125 00:07:36,122 --> 00:07:37,457 that keeps track of how many, uh-- 126 00:07:37,540 --> 00:07:38,624 [laughs] All right. Fine. 127 00:07:38,708 --> 00:07:40,334 Every guy is one of those silly guys-- 128 00:07:40,418 --> 00:07:42,670 Stop! The ever-delightful Fiona Wormwood, 129 00:07:42,753 --> 00:07:45,423 soon to be Fiona Blank, is indeed numero 29. 130 00:07:45,506 --> 00:07:47,842 But, dude, the list keeps going. 131 00:07:47,925 --> 00:07:50,344 Closing out at... 132 00:07:50,428 --> 00:07:51,387 a hundred and one. 133 00:07:51,471 --> 00:07:53,222 That's impossible. 134 00:07:53,306 --> 00:07:55,099 Wait. April Fool's Day today, isn't it? 135 00:07:55,183 --> 00:07:57,518 That was yesterday. Today's the second. 136 00:07:57,602 --> 00:07:59,103 Hmm... 137 00:07:59,187 --> 00:08:00,354 One of the guys. 138 00:08:00,438 --> 00:08:02,356 Zack, Chico, Lester-- no, Lester. 139 00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:03,483 Especially Lester. 140 00:08:03,566 --> 00:08:05,067 What better way to mess with me 141 00:08:05,151 --> 00:08:06,402 than by sending me the names of 142 00:08:06,486 --> 00:08:08,404 all the women I've had sex with? 143 00:08:08,488 --> 00:08:11,157 Teasing me with an obviously made-up roster. 144 00:08:11,240 --> 00:08:13,367 72 more tantalizing female names to, uh-- 145 00:08:13,451 --> 00:08:15,453 Symbolize all the fine trim you'll be sacrificing 146 00:08:15,536 --> 00:08:16,454 once you get married. 147 00:08:16,537 --> 00:08:18,080 Exactly. Yes. 148 00:08:18,164 --> 00:08:19,081 - Hmm. - Thank you. 149 00:08:19,165 --> 00:08:20,708 Mm-hmm. 150 00:08:20,833 --> 00:08:23,461 You sure you don't have a Carlotta Valdes shacked up somewhere? 151 00:08:23,544 --> 00:08:25,671 I mean, according to the list, she's next up. 152 00:08:25,755 --> 00:08:29,175 Carlotta Valdes. 153 00:08:29,258 --> 00:08:32,970 Followed by Cynthia Rose. 154 00:08:33,054 --> 00:08:34,263 Followed by-- 155 00:08:34,347 --> 00:08:36,390 Well, whoever did this sure put in the hours. 156 00:08:36,474 --> 00:08:37,433 Print it. 157 00:08:39,477 --> 00:08:41,354 Sayonara! 158 00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:44,357 So, now you know. 159 00:08:44,440 --> 00:08:47,026 The last goddamn e-mail. 160 00:08:47,109 --> 00:08:48,903 The list. 161 00:08:48,986 --> 00:08:52,323 Every woman I ever, followed by every woman I-- 162 00:08:52,406 --> 00:08:55,201 You're not still staring at that list. 163 00:08:55,284 --> 00:08:57,578 No comment. 164 00:08:57,662 --> 00:08:59,539 Oh, did I remember to warn you 165 00:08:59,622 --> 00:09:01,832 that you're gonna be kidnapped from work for your bachelor party? 166 00:09:09,465 --> 00:09:10,550 Whoa! 167 00:09:10,633 --> 00:09:12,802 Hey, Roderick. How are you doing? 168 00:09:14,512 --> 00:09:16,430 - Ready to party, Rod? - Oh, no, no. 169 00:09:16,514 --> 00:09:18,683 No one said anything about this going down at my house. 170 00:09:18,766 --> 00:09:19,684 - Lester. - What? 171 00:09:19,767 --> 00:09:21,060 This is my house. 172 00:09:21,143 --> 00:09:22,770 Fiona gave us permission. 173 00:09:22,853 --> 00:09:25,398 Oh, you're insane. 174 00:09:25,481 --> 00:09:27,650 - Interesting e-mail today. - Mmm! 175 00:09:27,733 --> 00:09:29,443 Worry not. I found a new stripper. 176 00:09:29,527 --> 00:09:30,695 Oh, no. Not the stripper crisis. 177 00:09:30,778 --> 00:09:33,823 The, uh, kooky one. The list. 178 00:09:33,906 --> 00:09:35,616 - What list? - The list of-- 179 00:09:35,700 --> 00:09:36,951 What are you talking about? 180 00:09:37,034 --> 00:09:39,537 - Names. - Well, our fair lady's here, gentlemen! 181 00:09:39,620 --> 00:09:40,955 Turn that up! 182 00:09:41,038 --> 00:09:42,707 Rule six. 183 00:09:42,790 --> 00:09:45,459 No ham radio operating. 184 00:09:45,543 --> 00:09:47,461 - Get it? Breasts? - Aww... 185 00:09:47,545 --> 00:09:49,630 No ham radio operating. 186 00:09:49,714 --> 00:09:52,174 Rule seven. No checking the oil. 187 00:09:52,258 --> 00:09:54,135 - Checking the oil? - Get it? 188 00:09:54,218 --> 00:09:55,469 Vagina! 189 00:09:55,553 --> 00:09:57,346 No checking the oil. 190 00:09:57,471 --> 00:10:01,350 - And I loved the touch of adding to the list - Rule eight... 191 00:10:01,434 --> 00:10:03,185 the names of women I've yet to have sex with. 192 00:10:03,269 --> 00:10:05,771 - No cotton candy. - What do you mean, man? What list? 193 00:10:05,855 --> 00:10:07,023 Oh. Yeah. "What list?" 194 00:10:07,106 --> 00:10:09,567 Hey! You two jokers in the back! 195 00:10:09,650 --> 00:10:11,277 Show Precious some respect! 196 00:10:11,360 --> 00:10:12,486 This is a bachelor party. 197 00:10:12,570 --> 00:10:14,196 It ain't fun and games. 198 00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:16,490 Who wants to play musical lap dances? 199 00:10:41,766 --> 00:10:43,517 Aw! Too bad! 200 00:10:45,102 --> 00:10:46,020 Goodbye! 201 00:10:58,616 --> 00:11:01,535 Mm. You call this decadence? 202 00:11:01,619 --> 00:11:03,537 Bro, it was you! 203 00:11:03,621 --> 00:11:05,539 If only women knew. The bachelor party. 204 00:11:05,623 --> 00:11:07,708 The best commercial for marriage. 205 00:11:09,126 --> 00:11:10,461 Cream for your coffee? 206 00:11:10,544 --> 00:11:13,631 Mm! Uh, no thanks. Carbs. 207 00:11:17,635 --> 00:11:18,552 You laughing at the old coot? 208 00:11:18,636 --> 00:11:20,513 Yeah, I'm sorry. I am. 209 00:11:20,596 --> 00:11:21,555 Hey, what about you? 210 00:11:21,639 --> 00:11:23,265 You're walking around your own party, here, 211 00:11:23,349 --> 00:11:25,559 obsessing about your former conquests. 212 00:11:25,643 --> 00:11:27,019 Well, it's actually a little more complicated. 213 00:11:27,103 --> 00:11:28,187 I was fine until this morning. 214 00:11:28,270 --> 00:11:29,897 I got this crazy list of women-- 215 00:11:29,980 --> 00:11:32,274 No! No! No! I don't wanna see it. 216 00:11:32,358 --> 00:11:33,734 You don't wanna see it. 217 00:11:33,818 --> 00:11:35,986 Hell, you probably sent it to yourself when you were drunk. 218 00:11:36,070 --> 00:11:38,489 If you're looking for a way out... 219 00:11:38,572 --> 00:11:40,574 Rod, you'll find it. 220 00:11:40,658 --> 00:11:42,576 No, it-- it's nothing like that. 221 00:11:42,660 --> 00:11:43,994 Stop looking. 222 00:11:44,078 --> 00:11:45,538 Hang in here for another hour. 223 00:11:45,621 --> 00:11:47,081 Get married next week. Have a kid. 224 00:11:47,164 --> 00:11:49,583 Reinvent the tater tot! Make a lot of money! Have another kid. 225 00:11:49,667 --> 00:11:52,086 - Say, "Thanks, Zack." - Okay. Thanks, Zack. 226 00:11:52,169 --> 00:11:53,963 - Mm-hmm. - Maybe you're right. 227 00:11:54,046 --> 00:11:56,632 Yo! Groom. 228 00:11:56,716 --> 00:11:58,592 Grand finale. 229 00:11:58,676 --> 00:12:01,262 Don't worry. Lester's paid for it. 230 00:12:02,346 --> 00:12:03,472 Yikes. 231 00:12:03,556 --> 00:12:06,016 How's that for ham radio, buddy? 232 00:12:06,100 --> 00:12:07,810 Yeah! 233 00:12:07,893 --> 00:12:10,229 Oh, yeah! Yeah! 234 00:12:10,312 --> 00:12:12,398 Give it to me, big boy! 235 00:12:12,481 --> 00:12:13,774 Oh, that's the way you like it? 236 00:12:13,858 --> 00:12:16,318 Oh, yeah! Harder! 237 00:12:16,402 --> 00:12:18,612 This is my oldest. He's four. 238 00:12:18,696 --> 00:12:20,948 - Fuck me! - This is your oldest? 239 00:12:21,031 --> 00:12:22,408 Wow. He's a good-looking kid. 240 00:12:22,491 --> 00:12:23,784 He's gonna break a lot of hearts. 241 00:12:23,868 --> 00:12:26,078 Yes! Yes! 242 00:12:26,162 --> 00:12:28,622 - Yes! - Goddammit! Harder! 243 00:12:28,706 --> 00:12:30,458 So are you planning on having kids with your wife? 244 00:12:30,541 --> 00:12:31,542 Well, definitely. Yeah. 245 00:12:31,625 --> 00:12:33,836 But you know, right now, we can't even agree on what kind of dog to-- 246 00:12:33,919 --> 00:12:35,588 Whoa! Precious, I told you I don't want 247 00:12:35,671 --> 00:12:37,006 to cross the line of-- 248 00:12:37,089 --> 00:12:38,632 Whoa! 249 00:12:38,716 --> 00:12:40,092 Oh, gosh. 250 00:12:40,176 --> 00:12:41,677 I'm so sorry. 251 00:12:41,761 --> 00:12:43,512 I honestly thought you were kidding about 252 00:12:43,596 --> 00:12:45,473 all that "men can be feminists, too" stuff. 253 00:12:46,724 --> 00:12:48,517 Can you blame me for the confusion? 254 00:12:48,601 --> 00:12:49,727 Well, just because I'm giving you 255 00:12:49,810 --> 00:12:51,312 a standing ovation, my darling, 256 00:12:51,395 --> 00:12:53,731 doesn't mean that we have to, you know-- I-- 257 00:12:53,814 --> 00:12:55,775 - I think we better-- - Got it. 258 00:12:55,858 --> 00:12:57,651 That's what I'm talking about. Doin' it-- 259 00:12:57,735 --> 00:13:00,446 Hey, I don't want you to take any of this personally. 260 00:13:00,529 --> 00:13:01,781 I just-- you know. 261 00:13:01,864 --> 00:13:04,658 Goddamn, what kind of condom is this? 262 00:13:04,742 --> 00:13:05,910 Your fiancée is lucky. 263 00:13:05,993 --> 00:13:07,620 She's got one of the good ones. 264 00:13:07,703 --> 00:13:09,497 I wish I was more into successful white dudes, 265 00:13:09,580 --> 00:13:10,748 but, um-- 266 00:13:10,831 --> 00:13:12,708 two broke Latin husbands, and-- 267 00:13:12,792 --> 00:13:14,126 Jesus, stop me. 268 00:13:14,210 --> 00:13:16,754 Anyway, man, gracias. Seriously. 269 00:13:16,837 --> 00:13:18,172 Gracias? 270 00:13:18,255 --> 00:13:21,300 Um, Precious, your real name 271 00:13:21,383 --> 00:13:24,136 wouldn't happen to be Carlotta... 272 00:13:24,220 --> 00:13:27,139 Valdes? 273 00:13:27,223 --> 00:13:28,390 How did y-- 274 00:13:28,474 --> 00:13:30,267 Who told you that? 275 00:13:30,351 --> 00:13:33,437 Um, I think your bodyguard might have mentioned it. 276 00:13:33,521 --> 00:13:36,690 Like that asshole knows my real name. 277 00:13:36,774 --> 00:13:40,110 So, you staying back there, or... 278 00:13:41,487 --> 00:13:42,947 Why is it so quiet in there? 279 00:13:44,782 --> 00:13:46,784 Carlotta Valdes. 280 00:13:46,867 --> 00:13:48,452 Number 30. 281 00:13:48,536 --> 00:13:51,705 This was more than a bachelor party trick, 282 00:13:51,789 --> 00:13:54,416 more than a loyalty test. 283 00:13:54,500 --> 00:13:56,293 This was sex. 284 00:13:56,377 --> 00:13:58,379 And I had a print-out. 285 00:13:59,922 --> 00:14:02,508 I was in the throes of a sacrilegious epiphany, 286 00:14:02,591 --> 00:14:05,135 in possession of a magical document 287 00:14:05,219 --> 00:14:08,097 that promised an embarrassment of bitches. 288 00:14:08,180 --> 00:14:09,932 And yet, did it void my earlier, 289 00:14:10,015 --> 00:14:12,601 rather impassioned soliloquy about how it's time? 290 00:14:12,685 --> 00:14:14,728 To settle down? To marry Fiona? 291 00:14:14,812 --> 00:14:17,273 Right then, I nobly revowed 292 00:14:17,356 --> 00:14:19,066 my eternal resistance to other women. 293 00:14:19,149 --> 00:14:21,151 Remember how freaked out you were when you first noticed 294 00:14:21,235 --> 00:14:23,904 the centerfold was younger than you? 295 00:14:25,281 --> 00:14:26,740 Ah, yes, the... 296 00:14:26,824 --> 00:14:29,493 central trauma of every American male. 297 00:14:30,828 --> 00:14:32,496 Look at this baby. 298 00:14:32,580 --> 00:14:34,748 And I mean baby. 299 00:14:34,832 --> 00:14:39,295 Born in 1984. 1984. 300 00:14:39,378 --> 00:14:41,755 My life was, like, done by '84. 301 00:14:41,839 --> 00:14:45,217 - What are her turn-ons? - Mmm.... 302 00:14:45,301 --> 00:14:48,095 Pudding, air hockey, and pudding. 303 00:14:48,178 --> 00:14:51,181 Bimbo said "pudding" twice. 304 00:14:53,601 --> 00:14:55,019 I do like air hockey. 305 00:14:55,102 --> 00:14:57,771 "Cynthia Rose is looking for a man 306 00:14:57,855 --> 00:15:01,775 who's confident, successful, with a nice set of abs." 307 00:15:01,859 --> 00:15:04,278 Well, zero out of three ain't bad. 308 00:15:04,361 --> 00:15:06,405 What did you say her name was? 309 00:15:08,115 --> 00:15:10,951 Cynthia Rose. 310 00:15:11,035 --> 00:15:12,161 Nice. 311 00:15:14,330 --> 00:15:16,749 Oh... 312 00:15:16,832 --> 00:15:18,042 Thank you. 313 00:15:18,125 --> 00:15:20,794 Dude, you're not gonna buy the issue? 314 00:15:27,927 --> 00:15:30,471 You look like a Carl. Can I call you Carl? 315 00:15:30,554 --> 00:15:32,222 You talking to me? 316 00:15:32,306 --> 00:15:35,809 You ever fantasize about escaping, Carl? 317 00:15:35,893 --> 00:15:37,728 Escaping this land, 318 00:15:37,811 --> 00:15:40,314 this magical land of the newsstand, 319 00:15:40,397 --> 00:15:43,400 where all the girls are right about 320 00:15:43,484 --> 00:15:46,904 to pull off their panties, but they never quite do. 321 00:15:48,447 --> 00:15:50,824 Must be kind of frustrating. 322 00:15:50,908 --> 00:15:52,826 Look, if you don't like the merchandise, babe, 323 00:15:52,910 --> 00:15:54,119 pssht! 324 00:15:56,538 --> 00:15:58,666 Found this on your dashboard. 325 00:15:59,959 --> 00:16:02,002 It's a unique color. 326 00:16:02,086 --> 00:16:05,381 Kinda like the one the Parkside Peeper wears. 327 00:16:06,548 --> 00:16:08,384 Wait. Uh... 328 00:16:08,467 --> 00:16:10,302 Look, I have a disease. 329 00:16:10,386 --> 00:16:11,804 - Okay? - Okay. 330 00:16:11,887 --> 00:16:13,847 And you could say that I, too, am a victim, 331 00:16:13,931 --> 00:16:15,599 - because-- - Hey! No. Carl. 332 00:16:15,683 --> 00:16:17,559 Don't get me wrong. 333 00:16:17,643 --> 00:16:18,936 I think it's kinda hot. 334 00:16:20,646 --> 00:16:22,940 I mean, how would I know you were watching 335 00:16:23,023 --> 00:16:26,068 if I wasn't watching you? 336 00:16:26,151 --> 00:16:29,863 Wha-- You've been peeping on me peeping? 337 00:16:29,947 --> 00:16:31,740 Mm-hmm. 338 00:16:31,824 --> 00:16:34,034 Oh. That is hot. 339 00:16:34,118 --> 00:16:35,869 Wait, I c-- 340 00:16:35,953 --> 00:16:37,079 I can't tell if you're playing 341 00:16:37,162 --> 00:16:39,790 some feminazi mindfuck game on me 342 00:16:39,873 --> 00:16:42,668 or if you're really trying to seduce me. 343 00:16:42,751 --> 00:16:47,965 Well, Carl, why don't we go back to my hotel and find out? 344 00:16:49,216 --> 00:16:51,969 Pussy is da' bomb. No? 345 00:16:53,220 --> 00:16:55,472 This is a joke, right? 346 00:16:57,141 --> 00:17:00,102 Ten seconds on the shot clock, Kobe. 347 00:17:02,563 --> 00:17:04,898 Come on! I-- 348 00:17:04,982 --> 00:17:07,276 - This stuff only happens in the movies-- - Five-- 349 00:17:07,359 --> 00:17:10,070 I'm the only one working this shift, I-- 350 00:17:10,154 --> 00:17:11,655 Get out of here. 351 00:17:11,739 --> 00:17:13,907 Are you gay? 352 00:17:13,991 --> 00:17:17,119 Are you impotent? 353 00:17:17,202 --> 00:17:19,580 Or are you just chicken? 354 00:17:34,720 --> 00:17:35,763 Honey? 355 00:17:35,846 --> 00:17:36,930 Sweetie, look. 356 00:17:37,014 --> 00:17:38,932 Your tuxedo. 357 00:17:45,773 --> 00:17:47,149 - Rod? - Perhaps it wasn't 358 00:17:47,232 --> 00:17:49,359 time after all. 359 00:17:49,443 --> 00:17:51,737 Don't worry, I didn't cancel the wedding or anything. 360 00:17:51,820 --> 00:17:53,447 I'm not an asshole. 361 00:17:53,530 --> 00:17:56,492 I needed to figure things out. 362 00:17:56,575 --> 00:17:58,827 Of course, I didn't bring up number 31, 363 00:17:58,911 --> 00:18:01,163 Cynthia "Miss April" Rose. 364 00:18:01,246 --> 00:18:03,957 I stuck to the basics. 365 00:18:04,041 --> 00:18:06,960 "It's not you, it's me." 366 00:18:07,044 --> 00:18:09,088 "I don't want to get married just to get married." 367 00:18:09,171 --> 00:18:12,549 I think I even threw in a "things have been crazy at work." 368 00:18:12,633 --> 00:18:15,803 Fiona took it well... too well. 369 00:18:17,054 --> 00:18:20,557 I think my sweetie has a little case of cold feet. 370 00:18:20,641 --> 00:18:21,975 You're nervous. 371 00:18:22,059 --> 00:18:23,435 I'd be scared if you weren't. 372 00:18:23,519 --> 00:18:24,853 It's more than that, Fi. 373 00:18:24,937 --> 00:18:28,982 I said, I think my sweetie has a little case of cold feet. 374 00:18:29,066 --> 00:18:30,192 You're nervous. 375 00:18:30,275 --> 00:18:31,735 I'd be scared if you weren't. 376 00:18:31,819 --> 00:18:32,986 I'm being honest. 377 00:18:33,070 --> 00:18:34,404 We're getting married in 11 days, Roderick. 378 00:18:34,488 --> 00:18:36,990 We are past the point of honesty. 379 00:18:37,074 --> 00:18:38,992 We have a goddamn church booked. 380 00:18:39,076 --> 00:18:41,578 Deposits... 381 00:18:41,662 --> 00:18:42,955 orchids. 382 00:18:43,038 --> 00:18:44,289 And you drop this on me right now 383 00:18:44,373 --> 00:18:45,958 before I'm about to get on a plane 384 00:18:46,041 --> 00:18:48,752 to go away with the girls to a spa for the weekend, 385 00:18:48,836 --> 00:18:50,629 you goddamn son of a-- 386 00:18:52,965 --> 00:18:54,133 Orchids... 387 00:18:57,094 --> 00:19:00,097 It was one thing to upheave my own life, 388 00:19:00,180 --> 00:19:02,224 but to break the heart of another 389 00:19:02,307 --> 00:19:04,476 was too much for me. 390 00:19:05,811 --> 00:19:07,813 I told Fiona what she needed to hear 391 00:19:07,896 --> 00:19:11,191 and provided the requisite snuggles. 392 00:19:11,275 --> 00:19:13,318 That's when I saw it. 393 00:19:15,195 --> 00:19:17,030 No, not that. 394 00:19:17,114 --> 00:19:18,699 This. 395 00:19:18,782 --> 00:19:20,993 Pardon my fucking French, 396 00:19:21,076 --> 00:19:23,495 but we're talking about a fucking centerfold here. 397 00:19:23,579 --> 00:19:26,248 Fucking a fucking centerfold, if you will. 398 00:19:26,331 --> 00:19:28,458 And believe me, I will. 399 00:19:28,584 --> 00:19:32,671 Last fling like this, I'll never have to look at another woman again, right? 400 00:19:32,754 --> 00:19:33,922 Right? 401 00:19:47,936 --> 00:19:49,897 Back of the line, bro. 402 00:19:54,860 --> 00:19:57,154 Okay, gentlemen, don't rush. 403 00:20:00,741 --> 00:20:02,743 Get out of the way, will you? 404 00:20:05,120 --> 00:20:06,914 - Don't push! Get out of my way! - Come on, man! 405 00:20:09,833 --> 00:20:10,834 Hey, stay in line, please. 406 00:20:10,918 --> 00:20:12,169 I know how to play air hockey! 407 00:20:12,252 --> 00:20:13,629 You each get a chance. 408 00:20:27,976 --> 00:20:30,103 Fiona. 409 00:20:31,855 --> 00:20:33,482 Hey, Fi... 410 00:20:33,565 --> 00:20:34,942 you're probably already on the plane. 411 00:20:35,025 --> 00:20:38,111 I just wanted to apologize again for this morning. 412 00:20:38,195 --> 00:20:40,697 I don't know what's going through my head. 413 00:20:40,781 --> 00:20:42,282 - I just-- - Is that your car? 414 00:20:43,700 --> 00:20:45,786 Bad connection. Yeah. 415 00:20:47,204 --> 00:20:49,581 The geeks are revolting. Like, literally. 416 00:20:49,665 --> 00:20:51,083 My name's Cynthia Rose. 417 00:20:51,166 --> 00:20:52,918 - You can call me Cyn. - Okay. 418 00:20:56,922 --> 00:20:58,215 The guy was so serious. 419 00:20:58,298 --> 00:20:59,841 "You must be so proud of those." 420 00:20:59,925 --> 00:21:01,927 I was like, "Dude, they're my breasts, 421 00:21:02,010 --> 00:21:03,178 they're not my S.A.T. scores." 422 00:21:03,262 --> 00:21:05,764 So, I thought if I flashed him he'd shut up, 423 00:21:05,847 --> 00:21:08,141 but who knew the whole store would flip out? 424 00:21:08,225 --> 00:21:09,393 I'm sorry, I forgot. 425 00:21:09,476 --> 00:21:11,395 How long did you say you've been living on this planet? 426 00:21:13,855 --> 00:21:15,440 Coffee became cocktails, 427 00:21:15,524 --> 00:21:19,236 cocktails became dinner, and dinner became... 428 00:21:20,612 --> 00:21:21,905 You guessed it. 429 00:21:23,198 --> 00:21:24,366 Air hockey. 430 00:21:25,367 --> 00:21:26,743 Darn it! 431 00:21:26,827 --> 00:21:28,036 I thought your centerfold 432 00:21:28,120 --> 00:21:29,746 said air hockey was your game. 433 00:21:29,830 --> 00:21:32,416 Are you always this suave and arrogant? 434 00:21:32,499 --> 00:21:35,836 Well, it's only two of my many adjectives. 435 00:21:35,919 --> 00:21:37,421 I can't believe I'm talking like this. 436 00:21:37,504 --> 00:21:39,923 I'm getting married in less than two weeks. 437 00:21:40,007 --> 00:21:44,177 My fiance is doing this bachelorette spa thing this weekend-- 438 00:21:44,261 --> 00:21:45,178 Wait a minute, you're getting married? 439 00:21:45,262 --> 00:21:46,305 Yep. 440 00:21:46,388 --> 00:21:48,181 Well, why didn't you say so? 441 00:21:48,265 --> 00:21:51,143 That changes everything! 442 00:21:51,226 --> 00:21:52,519 How would you like to do me a favor? 443 00:21:52,602 --> 00:21:54,688 A favor? What kind of fav-- 444 00:21:56,273 --> 00:21:58,942 Don't worry. It'll end in sex. 445 00:22:00,235 --> 00:22:02,195 Yes, number 31, Cynthia Rose. 446 00:22:02,279 --> 00:22:04,573 You know this is the most maniacal shit ever, right? 447 00:22:04,656 --> 00:22:07,909 Trix, I'm sure there's some logical explanation for all this. 448 00:22:09,661 --> 00:22:10,996 I'm not going to wait around for it. 449 00:22:11,079 --> 00:22:12,289 Keys? 450 00:22:14,041 --> 00:22:15,417 Cynthia Rose wanted to bring 451 00:22:15,500 --> 00:22:18,003 a presentable man home to Daddy. 452 00:22:18,086 --> 00:22:21,548 The favor would last another 24 hours. 453 00:22:21,631 --> 00:22:24,009 Meeting another father under the guise of boyfriend 454 00:22:24,092 --> 00:22:26,511 felt more like cheating than the cheating. 455 00:22:26,595 --> 00:22:30,891 But as paper beats rock, desire beats guilt. 456 00:22:30,974 --> 00:22:32,893 Desire beats everything. 457 00:22:32,976 --> 00:22:34,519 I just said that I like baking, 458 00:22:34,603 --> 00:22:37,230 and the next day, the centerfold family came up with this concept. 459 00:22:37,314 --> 00:22:39,232 It was like a built-in kitchen set 460 00:22:39,316 --> 00:22:40,233 with this apron that-- 461 00:22:40,317 --> 00:22:42,235 Don't abuse the word "family". 462 00:22:42,319 --> 00:22:43,612 You know as well as I do, 463 00:22:43,695 --> 00:22:45,030 they're just making you an accomplice 464 00:22:45,113 --> 00:22:46,698 in your own exploitation. 465 00:22:46,782 --> 00:22:48,241 Well, that's better than not being an accomplice 466 00:22:48,325 --> 00:22:50,243 in my own exploitation. 467 00:22:50,327 --> 00:22:53,205 You asked me what makes a man, Roderick, and I'm going to tell you. 468 00:22:53,288 --> 00:22:56,416 Actually, I hadn't asked. 469 00:22:56,500 --> 00:22:59,044 But there was no stopping Victor Rose III. 470 00:22:59,127 --> 00:23:01,797 Yes, her father was the Victor Rose, 471 00:23:01,880 --> 00:23:04,257 entrepreneur extraordinaire. 472 00:23:04,341 --> 00:23:05,258 Getting to have sex tonight 473 00:23:05,342 --> 00:23:06,676 was going to be more complicated 474 00:23:06,760 --> 00:23:07,844 than I could ever imagine. 475 00:23:07,928 --> 00:23:09,721 My parents believed in tradition, 476 00:23:09,805 --> 00:23:12,724 honor, dignity, faith, and free trade, 477 00:23:12,808 --> 00:23:16,103 and separate bedrooms for couples that are not married. 478 00:23:17,813 --> 00:23:20,524 A toast to the fiery Rose family. 479 00:23:20,607 --> 00:23:22,275 May you-- 480 00:23:22,359 --> 00:23:24,152 Sorry, Roderick. 481 00:23:24,236 --> 00:23:26,154 Every family has a sick grandmother, 482 00:23:26,238 --> 00:23:28,031 and Granny C just happens to be 483 00:23:28,115 --> 00:23:29,991 really old and really scary. 484 00:23:30,075 --> 00:23:32,285 Stop! Mother deserves some respect, 485 00:23:32,369 --> 00:23:33,829 not to be treated like a leper. 486 00:23:33,912 --> 00:23:37,082 Despite her grotesque skin disease. 487 00:23:40,836 --> 00:23:43,130 Dessert, Roderick? 488 00:23:44,381 --> 00:23:45,298 Are you decent? 489 00:23:45,382 --> 00:23:47,384 Absolutely! 490 00:23:50,429 --> 00:23:52,139 Dessert, Roderick? 491 00:23:53,849 --> 00:23:56,726 Oh. Uh... 492 00:23:56,810 --> 00:23:58,520 You asked if I was decent. You didn't ask if-- 493 00:23:58,603 --> 00:24:02,023 Yes, my roommate in college always used to do that gag. 494 00:24:02,107 --> 00:24:03,316 It plays better with you. 495 00:24:03,400 --> 00:24:04,317 Lots. 496 00:24:04,401 --> 00:24:07,070 Believe it or not, you did pretty good tonight. 497 00:24:07,154 --> 00:24:08,363 Great. 498 00:24:08,447 --> 00:24:10,157 That old bear down the hall 499 00:24:10,240 --> 00:24:12,409 is going to be simply crushed when we break up. 500 00:24:12,492 --> 00:24:14,619 You know, your father seems pretty serious 501 00:24:14,703 --> 00:24:17,080 about the separate bedroom edict. 502 00:24:17,164 --> 00:24:20,584 The greater the danger, the greater the thrill. 503 00:24:20,667 --> 00:24:22,752 That's what I say. 504 00:24:22,836 --> 00:24:24,546 Give me five minutes. 505 00:24:24,629 --> 00:24:27,090 I'm two doors down to the left. 506 00:24:27,174 --> 00:24:29,759 Some guys have this annoying habit of stopping to ask me 507 00:24:29,843 --> 00:24:32,345 if they're boinking me too hard. 508 00:24:32,429 --> 00:24:35,056 Don't ask and don't stop. 509 00:24:36,057 --> 00:24:38,226 Foreplay's for losers. 510 00:24:39,936 --> 00:24:41,062 Hmm. 511 00:24:41,146 --> 00:24:43,190 Better make that three minutes. 512 00:24:43,273 --> 00:24:44,858 Yeah. 513 00:25:27,943 --> 00:25:30,487 Oh...yes. 514 00:25:33,365 --> 00:25:34,491 What's going on in there? 515 00:25:46,795 --> 00:25:49,005 Ooh, who died? 516 00:25:49,089 --> 00:25:51,841 It's all right, Roderick. 517 00:25:51,925 --> 00:25:54,469 Mother prayed for this day many times. 518 00:25:54,553 --> 00:25:57,055 She's at peace now. 519 00:25:57,138 --> 00:25:59,432 She can keep my son company. 520 00:25:59,516 --> 00:26:01,601 Say hello to Vic, Jr., Mommy! 521 00:26:01,685 --> 00:26:06,314 Cyn. Sir, I'm so sorry. 522 00:26:06,398 --> 00:26:08,525 - You must really-- - Yeah, whatever. 523 00:26:08,608 --> 00:26:10,860 She was ancient and my brother was a jerk. 524 00:26:10,944 --> 00:26:12,862 What was with you last night? 525 00:26:12,946 --> 00:26:14,072 Why didn't you come? 526 00:26:14,155 --> 00:26:15,448 Come? 527 00:26:15,532 --> 00:26:16,866 With your father barging in like that, 528 00:26:16,950 --> 00:26:18,201 didn't really leave a lot of time 529 00:26:18,285 --> 00:26:20,328 for either one of us to hit the jackpot. 530 00:26:20,412 --> 00:26:22,122 You know, as they say, 531 00:26:22,205 --> 00:26:23,331 if at first you don't succeed, 532 00:26:23,415 --> 00:26:25,458 try, try again. 533 00:26:25,542 --> 00:26:26,376 What are you talking about? 534 00:26:26,459 --> 00:26:27,752 Why didn't you come to my room? 535 00:26:27,836 --> 00:26:28,962 I didn't see you at all. 536 00:26:29,045 --> 00:26:30,297 I guess it was pretty dark, but-- 537 00:26:30,380 --> 00:26:31,673 Mother had the strangest, 538 00:26:31,756 --> 00:26:33,717 sweetest, little smile on her face. 539 00:26:33,800 --> 00:26:35,802 I'm convinced that her last moments 540 00:26:35,885 --> 00:26:38,597 on this mortal coil were ones of pleasure. 541 00:26:39,973 --> 00:26:41,474 When you said two doors to the left, 542 00:26:41,558 --> 00:26:43,393 did you mean your left or my left? 543 00:26:43,476 --> 00:26:45,061 What are you talking-- 544 00:26:45,145 --> 00:26:48,148 I don't know, I guess it was my left. Why? 545 00:26:51,484 --> 00:26:54,446 Granny C happens to be really old and... 546 00:26:54,529 --> 00:26:57,616 C. as in Cynthia, as in Cynthia Rose, 547 00:26:57,699 --> 00:26:59,492 as in number 31 on your list, 548 00:26:59,576 --> 00:27:02,537 as in there's more than one, dipshit! 549 00:27:02,621 --> 00:27:04,706 You fucked my mother! 550 00:27:21,473 --> 00:27:24,017 And if you were to put your hand on the bun... 551 00:27:25,894 --> 00:27:28,480 I raced home to tell Fiona everything. 552 00:27:28,563 --> 00:27:29,856 Okay, not everything. 553 00:27:29,939 --> 00:27:31,232 Not anything. 554 00:27:31,316 --> 00:27:32,859 What woman, a week before her wedding, 555 00:27:32,942 --> 00:27:35,111 wants to hear about some crazy list of women? 556 00:27:35,195 --> 00:27:37,280 Not to mention, I mean really not to mention, 557 00:27:37,364 --> 00:27:38,698 her future husband's involvement 558 00:27:38,782 --> 00:27:40,825 with an 88-year-old leper. 559 00:27:40,909 --> 00:27:43,536 I was sure Fiona would take me into her arms. 560 00:27:43,620 --> 00:27:46,706 - Honey, I'm home! - Instead, she just took. 561 00:27:46,790 --> 00:27:48,750 I never liked this couch. 562 00:27:48,833 --> 00:27:50,502 Fi? 563 00:27:57,384 --> 00:27:58,802 Fiona, what have you done? 564 00:27:58,927 --> 00:28:01,805 - Why are you-- - You're getting off easy and you know it. 565 00:28:04,516 --> 00:28:06,518 I don't understand. I adore you. 566 00:28:06,601 --> 00:28:08,144 I want to make you my wife. 567 00:28:08,228 --> 00:28:12,482 It's like you've got this lost, far-away look, 568 00:28:12,565 --> 00:28:14,776 like you're thinking about the hundreds of other women 569 00:28:14,859 --> 00:28:16,736 you plan to sleep with before you die. 570 00:28:16,820 --> 00:28:18,571 Hundreds? 571 00:28:18,655 --> 00:28:19,823 70 at most. 572 00:28:19,906 --> 00:28:21,116 Keep going. 573 00:28:22,283 --> 00:28:25,453 You're the guy who notices haircuts. 574 00:28:25,537 --> 00:28:28,456 - You never forget Valentine's Day. - No. 575 00:28:28,540 --> 00:28:31,209 You always have the right, supportive thing to say, 576 00:28:31,292 --> 00:28:33,628 even if you don't mean it. 577 00:28:36,631 --> 00:28:39,551 You're not some evil, sexist jerk, Rod. 578 00:28:39,634 --> 00:28:42,429 So who are you? 579 00:28:42,512 --> 00:28:44,264 I am someone that will love and support you-- 580 00:28:44,347 --> 00:28:45,890 Oh. 581 00:28:47,851 --> 00:28:49,602 It's not an oral exam. 582 00:28:52,689 --> 00:28:55,150 I'm going to get up off this couch now. 583 00:28:56,526 --> 00:28:58,486 I'm going to walk to the door. 584 00:29:01,448 --> 00:29:03,950 Do I want you to stop me? 585 00:29:04,951 --> 00:29:07,036 Yes. 586 00:29:07,120 --> 00:29:13,042 Just as my hand is on the knob, 587 00:29:13,126 --> 00:29:15,795 I want you to tackle me 588 00:29:15,879 --> 00:29:20,550 and hold me and tell me that you can never let me go, 589 00:29:20,633 --> 00:29:22,844 while tears stream down both our faces. 590 00:29:24,012 --> 00:29:26,973 But you better mean it, Rod. 591 00:29:27,056 --> 00:29:30,226 Because right now, 592 00:29:30,310 --> 00:29:31,519 you're just one of the bigger mistakes 593 00:29:31,603 --> 00:29:33,521 I've ever made. 594 00:29:34,564 --> 00:29:37,150 But if you convince me to stay, 595 00:29:37,233 --> 00:29:43,156 and you can't back it up with every inch of your soul, 596 00:29:43,239 --> 00:29:45,533 then you will be a true villain. 597 00:29:56,628 --> 00:29:58,338 - Good call, buddy! - Ah! 598 00:29:58,421 --> 00:29:59,839 You made the right decision, Mr. Blank, 599 00:29:59,923 --> 00:30:01,716 but it's not like you had much of a choice. 600 00:30:01,800 --> 00:30:03,259 Whoo! 601 00:30:07,388 --> 00:30:08,765 Okay, what's happening? 602 00:30:10,183 --> 00:30:12,894 Where am I? 603 00:30:12,977 --> 00:30:14,729 Who are you people? 604 00:30:14,813 --> 00:30:16,189 Hello, Mr. Blank. 605 00:30:16,272 --> 00:30:18,817 I'm Alpha, he's Beta, 606 00:30:18,900 --> 00:30:20,527 and that's Fred. 607 00:30:20,652 --> 00:30:23,488 We're here to tell you everything, Mr. Blank. 608 00:30:23,571 --> 00:30:24,739 This isn't a dream, 609 00:30:24,823 --> 00:30:27,116 and it isn't a dream within a dream, either. 610 00:30:27,200 --> 00:30:28,701 You're not going to wake up at the end, 611 00:30:28,785 --> 00:30:31,579 and I'm your gardener and these are your pool boys. 612 00:30:31,663 --> 00:30:33,748 This is about the list, isn't it? 613 00:30:33,832 --> 00:30:36,125 Of course it's about the list! 614 00:30:36,209 --> 00:30:38,002 You must be freaking out. 615 00:30:38,086 --> 00:30:40,421 Seriously, what number are you at right now-- 616 00:30:40,505 --> 00:30:41,840 Down, Fred. 617 00:30:43,633 --> 00:30:46,719 Mr. Blank... 618 00:30:46,803 --> 00:30:48,429 some people you don't know 619 00:30:48,513 --> 00:30:49,597 found some things you don't know 620 00:30:49,681 --> 00:30:51,850 in a place you don't know. 621 00:30:51,933 --> 00:30:55,228 And these things have been very useful in making a new thing. 622 00:30:55,311 --> 00:30:57,355 One that apparently knows everything. 623 00:30:58,356 --> 00:30:59,858 A thing that knows everything, 624 00:30:59,941 --> 00:31:05,238 like a computer, a supercomputer. 625 00:31:06,239 --> 00:31:08,908 I prefer the word "machine." 626 00:31:08,992 --> 00:31:11,953 Now, this machine will take a few lifetimes to figure out, 627 00:31:12,036 --> 00:31:14,706 and I wouldn't go as far as to call it an oracle, 628 00:31:14,789 --> 00:31:18,293 but it is...oraclesque. 629 00:31:18,376 --> 00:31:21,921 Last week, it sent out about 2,900 e-mails, 630 00:31:22,005 --> 00:31:24,132 answers to questions nobody asked-- 631 00:31:24,215 --> 00:31:27,594 not us, not the e-mail recipients. 632 00:31:27,677 --> 00:31:31,222 Almost everyone received nothing more than an individual date-- 633 00:31:31,306 --> 00:31:35,268 day, month, year. 634 00:31:35,351 --> 00:31:37,353 You're very lucky you didn't get that one, Mr. Blank. 635 00:31:37,437 --> 00:31:40,356 It was the day of the recipient's death. 636 00:31:40,440 --> 00:31:42,817 But then there's you. 637 00:31:44,110 --> 00:31:45,570 Yes, a few of the e-mails 638 00:31:45,653 --> 00:31:47,780 drew an unnatural attention to themselves. 639 00:31:47,864 --> 00:31:52,160 Well, yeah, but yours is the best, far and away. 640 00:31:52,243 --> 00:31:55,914 A list of everyone you're going to have sex with? 641 00:31:55,997 --> 00:31:58,666 Oh man, this other poor dick got the same list. 642 00:31:58,750 --> 00:31:59,918 One name! 643 00:32:00,001 --> 00:32:03,296 The wife that he lost his virginity to. 644 00:32:03,379 --> 00:32:04,297 What a sap! 645 00:32:04,380 --> 00:32:05,423 - Fred-- - I mean, can you imagine? 646 00:32:05,506 --> 00:32:07,383 Fred! 647 00:32:08,718 --> 00:32:11,971 Mr. Blank, I think you know where I'm going with this. 648 00:32:13,640 --> 00:32:15,725 If people were to find out about the machine, 649 00:32:15,808 --> 00:32:17,810 it would cause panic and confusion and-- 650 00:32:17,894 --> 00:32:19,520 You're threatening me? 651 00:32:19,604 --> 00:32:23,983 Not to be a smart-ass. 652 00:32:24,067 --> 00:32:27,820 If your little oracle is for real, 653 00:32:27,904 --> 00:32:29,656 then I can't die before bedding down 654 00:32:29,739 --> 00:32:31,950 the last lady on the list. 655 00:32:33,368 --> 00:32:35,662 Grand to finally meet you, Mr. Blank. 656 00:32:35,745 --> 00:32:37,705 The door is at the end of the hall. 657 00:32:37,789 --> 00:32:40,333 Yeah, and if you have any questions, 658 00:32:40,416 --> 00:32:42,543 drop in any time, bro. 659 00:32:44,128 --> 00:32:46,422 Can't believe I believe all this. 660 00:32:46,506 --> 00:32:49,092 But you do, and we appreciate it. 661 00:32:49,175 --> 00:32:52,220 You've been guaranteed a robust sex life, Mr. Blank. 662 00:32:52,303 --> 00:32:54,055 That should be enough for you. 663 00:32:54,138 --> 00:32:55,556 Lose the list. 664 00:32:55,640 --> 00:32:58,518 Burn it, bury it, whatever you need to do. 665 00:32:58,601 --> 00:33:00,269 If you let the list in your life, 666 00:33:00,353 --> 00:33:04,232 it will infect every fiber of your being. 667 00:33:05,942 --> 00:33:06,901 Bye-bye. 668 00:33:23,459 --> 00:33:25,753 I like him. 669 00:33:25,837 --> 00:33:27,922 He seems sensible. 670 00:33:28,006 --> 00:33:31,384 Hey, hey, uh, almighty, all-knowing guys? 671 00:33:31,467 --> 00:33:36,347 You just confirmed the validity of a list of 101 sure things. 672 00:33:36,431 --> 00:33:41,144 Okay? So, a list like that, doesn't get burned or buried. 673 00:33:41,227 --> 00:33:42,603 It gets used. 674 00:33:42,687 --> 00:33:47,191 And I mean, it gets, like, crazy-montage-sequence used. 675 00:33:47,275 --> 00:33:49,902 "French-New Wave, learning Gymkata, 676 00:33:49,986 --> 00:33:52,321 I can't believe they could afford that song" montage. 677 00:33:52,405 --> 00:33:54,657 It's gonna be fucking nuts! 678 00:33:54,741 --> 00:33:55,992 He's just-- 679 00:33:56,075 --> 00:34:01,372 He's going to fuck a lot. 680 00:34:26,689 --> 00:34:30,860 * I'm surrounded softly * 681 00:34:30,943 --> 00:34:33,362 * By the beat * 682 00:34:35,031 --> 00:34:36,824 * Still dumbfounded * 683 00:34:36,908 --> 00:34:42,830 * By the intolerable heat * 684 00:34:42,914 --> 00:34:46,918 * You came close to me * 685 00:34:47,001 --> 00:34:49,837 * And you danced * 686 00:34:51,297 --> 00:34:54,801 * It came close to * 687 00:34:54,884 --> 00:34:59,555 * Being my last * 688 00:34:59,639 --> 00:35:02,225 * I'll take what's mine * 689 00:35:02,308 --> 00:35:06,979 * Before I regret it * 690 00:35:07,063 --> 00:35:09,357 I'm saving that seat for a friend. 691 00:35:09,440 --> 00:35:10,399 What's your name? 692 00:35:10,483 --> 00:35:13,361 Kathleen, Mr. Manners. 693 00:35:13,444 --> 00:35:15,863 - That's a shame. - What did you say? 694 00:35:15,947 --> 00:35:18,366 Oh, I said, it's a nice name. 695 00:35:18,449 --> 00:35:19,992 Roderick Blank. 696 00:35:20,076 --> 00:35:22,453 Ooh, first and last names, how formal. 697 00:35:22,703 --> 00:35:24,747 - Well... - Ah. 698 00:35:24,831 --> 00:35:29,043 Here's my standing up friend and colleague Greta Sampsa. 699 00:35:29,127 --> 00:35:31,003 This is the guy who took your seat. 700 00:35:31,087 --> 00:35:34,215 Greta Sampsa, now that's a fantastic name. 701 00:35:34,298 --> 00:35:35,341 What would you like? 702 00:35:35,424 --> 00:35:37,510 A slow, nasty fuck on the coffee table. 703 00:35:37,593 --> 00:35:39,470 Would you like that with Bacardi or Myer's? 704 00:35:39,554 --> 00:35:42,014 Bacardi. 705 00:35:43,266 --> 00:35:44,976 Did you know I was talking about a drink? 706 00:35:45,059 --> 00:35:47,061 Maybe, maybe not. 707 00:35:49,772 --> 00:35:53,943 * I'll take what's mine before I... * 708 00:35:54,026 --> 00:35:55,862 This your only piece of ID? 709 00:35:55,945 --> 00:35:56,988 You swear you're not named after 710 00:35:57,071 --> 00:35:58,656 anyone else in your family? 711 00:35:58,739 --> 00:36:00,700 Listen, you're cute and I'm drunk, 712 00:36:00,783 --> 00:36:02,618 and my plane is grounded until tomorrow, 713 00:36:02,702 --> 00:36:03,828 but if you want to-- 714 00:36:03,911 --> 00:36:06,581 * I'll take what's mine * 715 00:36:06,664 --> 00:36:09,417 * Before I... * 716 00:36:15,715 --> 00:36:17,758 Noreen! 717 00:36:22,805 --> 00:36:25,057 Leslie and Yuca! 718 00:36:27,310 --> 00:36:28,269 - Here you go. - Thanks, Bill. 719 00:36:28,352 --> 00:36:30,438 Enjoy. 720 00:36:32,064 --> 00:36:33,274 Julie! 721 00:36:33,357 --> 00:36:34,859 * You're having my sex * 722 00:36:34,942 --> 00:36:36,527 * You're sleeping with my wife * 723 00:36:36,611 --> 00:36:40,072 * You're having my kids and the time of my life * 724 00:36:40,156 --> 00:36:41,532 * You're writing my book * 725 00:36:41,616 --> 00:36:43,367 * You're starring in my film * 726 00:36:43,451 --> 00:36:47,246 * You have the number one and my number ten * 727 00:36:49,582 --> 00:36:52,793 * We could be such very good friends * 728 00:36:52,877 --> 00:36:55,129 * If you let me in * 729 00:36:56,505 --> 00:36:59,508 * The higher the gates, the longer the wait * 730 00:36:59,592 --> 00:37:02,595 * Please let this poor boy sin * 731 00:37:02,678 --> 00:37:04,347 * You're having my sex * 732 00:37:04,430 --> 00:37:06,015 * You're sleeping with my wife * 733 00:37:06,098 --> 00:37:09,143 * You're having my kids and the time of my life * 734 00:37:09,227 --> 00:37:11,229 * You're writing my book * 735 00:37:11,312 --> 00:37:13,773 * You're starring in my film * 736 00:37:13,856 --> 00:37:17,109 I'd say that I was mature and content. 737 00:37:17,193 --> 00:37:19,278 But if you have to say that stuff out loud, 738 00:37:19,362 --> 00:37:21,113 it can't possibly be true. 739 00:37:21,197 --> 00:37:23,574 I thought I was above all the hot chicks, 740 00:37:23,658 --> 00:37:26,244 high-five, beer-commercial bullshit. 741 00:37:26,327 --> 00:37:28,704 I was above nothing. 742 00:37:30,957 --> 00:37:32,667 The list was life. 743 00:37:32,750 --> 00:37:34,460 Have a startling and unique day, 744 00:37:34,543 --> 00:37:37,213 - Mr. Blank. - Thank you. 745 00:37:38,798 --> 00:37:41,259 Wait a second, how did you know my name? 746 00:37:41,342 --> 00:37:44,178 Swallows is the case study in my business class. 747 00:37:44,262 --> 00:37:46,013 I thought I'd get some first-hand experience 748 00:37:46,097 --> 00:37:47,640 and make a little money at the same time. 749 00:37:47,723 --> 00:37:48,641 Very little money. 750 00:37:48,724 --> 00:37:51,519 That's fascinating... 751 00:37:51,602 --> 00:37:53,020 Alexis. 752 00:37:53,104 --> 00:37:55,106 Alexis de Large. 753 00:37:55,189 --> 00:37:56,524 Wait a minute. 754 00:37:56,607 --> 00:37:57,942 How did you know my last name? 755 00:37:58,025 --> 00:38:00,069 Yeah, yeah! 756 00:38:00,152 --> 00:38:01,487 That's the way you like it. 757 00:38:01,570 --> 00:38:03,864 Well, yes, I find the honey mustard sauce 758 00:38:03,948 --> 00:38:06,450 really brings out the flavor. 759 00:38:06,534 --> 00:38:07,618 Pull my hair. 760 00:38:07,702 --> 00:38:08,703 What? 761 00:38:08,786 --> 00:38:10,121 Up to the window. 762 00:38:11,205 --> 00:38:16,043 Have a startling and u-- u-- u-- 763 00:38:16,127 --> 00:38:18,170 Is it too late to squeeze in a cherry pie? 764 00:38:24,093 --> 00:38:25,261 April to August, 765 00:38:25,344 --> 00:38:28,347 I went from number 29 to number 62. 766 00:38:28,431 --> 00:38:30,725 Maybe I was moving too fast. 767 00:38:30,808 --> 00:38:33,060 But then, I guess I was supposed to. 768 00:38:33,144 --> 00:38:36,897 I crossed out the names, but remembered the faces. 769 00:38:36,981 --> 00:38:40,192 Their stare, my stare. 770 00:38:40,276 --> 00:38:43,029 We think if we exchange the meaningful stare, 771 00:38:43,112 --> 00:38:45,197 the meaning will kick in later. 772 00:38:45,281 --> 00:38:46,991 But does it? 773 00:38:47,074 --> 00:38:49,243 One or both of you try to say something like, 774 00:38:49,327 --> 00:38:50,953 "It's just sex." 775 00:38:51,037 --> 00:38:52,038 But is it? 776 00:38:53,539 --> 00:38:55,207 You think sending me a bunch of roses 777 00:38:55,291 --> 00:38:57,001 is going to make me-- 778 00:38:57,084 --> 00:38:58,753 You think paying my car insurance 779 00:38:58,878 --> 00:39:00,921 is going to make me forget that you cheat-- 780 00:39:01,005 --> 00:39:02,423 A stuffed animal? 781 00:39:02,506 --> 00:39:04,717 I overheard a waitress say you paid off her car ins-- 782 00:39:06,135 --> 00:39:07,261 Earth to Roderick Blank! 783 00:39:07,345 --> 00:39:08,888 Stop having hot sex. 784 00:39:08,971 --> 00:39:11,223 Get your ass up to the house for a barbeque. 785 00:39:11,307 --> 00:39:13,184 It is my boy Max's birthday. 786 00:39:13,267 --> 00:39:15,478 Or my son Kyle. Be here! 787 00:39:25,196 --> 00:39:26,489 When my wedding was canceled, 788 00:39:26,572 --> 00:39:29,867 there had been a chill among the married folk. 789 00:39:29,950 --> 00:39:32,161 You'd have thought I'd left them at the altar. 790 00:39:32,244 --> 00:39:36,374 But now they kind of like having me around. 791 00:39:39,543 --> 00:39:41,670 The ladies' man. 792 00:39:43,839 --> 00:39:47,218 Lizzie is an amazing woman, Zack. 793 00:39:47,301 --> 00:39:49,595 I mean, what she's done with that clinic. 794 00:39:49,678 --> 00:39:50,930 The way she's raised your two kids. 795 00:39:51,013 --> 00:39:52,973 Yeah, yeah, my wife's a goddamn saint. 796 00:39:53,057 --> 00:39:54,850 Now, this stewardess, did she say, 797 00:39:54,934 --> 00:39:58,270 "Come on my ass" or "Come in my ass?" 798 00:39:58,354 --> 00:40:00,272 Oh, Roderick's definition of having children 799 00:40:00,356 --> 00:40:02,274 is a little different than ours. 800 00:40:02,358 --> 00:40:04,026 Why raise them when you can pork them? 801 00:40:04,110 --> 00:40:05,277 Ooh! 802 00:40:05,361 --> 00:40:07,071 Lizzie, how many times do I have to tell you? 803 00:40:07,154 --> 00:40:08,697 I didn't know she was your niece. 804 00:40:08,781 --> 00:40:12,827 Besides, she's 19-- and a half. 805 00:40:12,910 --> 00:40:15,496 And I found her to be very mature for her age. 806 00:40:16,664 --> 00:40:18,332 - Rod! - So bad. 807 00:40:19,417 --> 00:40:21,919 Husbands, wives, 808 00:40:22,002 --> 00:40:24,505 kids, families. 809 00:40:24,588 --> 00:40:26,882 It was not just a world I was supposed to want, 810 00:40:26,966 --> 00:40:29,427 it was a world I genuinely wanted. 811 00:40:29,510 --> 00:40:31,095 What's life without experiencing 812 00:40:31,178 --> 00:40:33,180 the wonder of a child? 813 00:40:34,515 --> 00:40:37,435 - I named my hamster Dog. - Oh. 814 00:40:37,518 --> 00:40:41,063 And when I get a dog, I'm going to name him after you. 815 00:40:41,147 --> 00:40:44,692 Mr. Butt. 816 00:40:50,364 --> 00:40:52,074 You about ready? 817 00:40:53,951 --> 00:40:56,245 Yeah. 818 00:40:59,290 --> 00:41:00,374 You know, maybe they're right. 819 00:41:00,458 --> 00:41:02,376 I should lower the old periscope for a while, 820 00:41:02,460 --> 00:41:03,878 hold out for someone special. 821 00:41:03,961 --> 00:41:05,045 Special? 822 00:41:05,129 --> 00:41:07,298 If the subject is cooking or crab grass, 823 00:41:07,381 --> 00:41:09,049 then you can listen to married people. 824 00:41:09,133 --> 00:41:10,468 Come on. 825 00:41:10,551 --> 00:41:12,595 You're hitting baskets from everywhere on the court. 826 00:41:12,678 --> 00:41:14,847 This is no time to go back to the bench. 827 00:41:14,930 --> 00:41:16,599 Hey. I'm Bob. 828 00:41:16,682 --> 00:41:18,309 - Rod, is it? - Yeah. 829 00:41:18,392 --> 00:41:21,520 My apologies, I just-- I couldn't help overhearing 830 00:41:21,604 --> 00:41:23,898 your good fortune with the female of the species. 831 00:41:23,981 --> 00:41:25,357 I'm hoping it'll rub off. 832 00:41:25,441 --> 00:41:27,193 And why is that, kind sir? 833 00:41:27,276 --> 00:41:29,487 Oh, funny story. 834 00:41:29,570 --> 00:41:31,405 One morning about five months ago, 835 00:41:31,489 --> 00:41:33,991 I came to work, and right there on my computer screen, 836 00:41:34,074 --> 00:41:36,243 a day, a month and a year. 837 00:41:36,327 --> 00:41:38,871 A date. Today's date. 838 00:41:38,954 --> 00:41:41,415 I'm utterly convinced that it's a sign. 839 00:41:41,499 --> 00:41:43,918 The night that I'm to meet my soul mate. 840 00:41:44,001 --> 00:41:45,586 - You had to ask him. - I've gone as far 841 00:41:45,669 --> 00:41:47,004 as to procure lodgings down the street 842 00:41:47,087 --> 00:41:48,964 at the Hotel Taboo. 843 00:41:50,424 --> 00:41:51,717 Kind of spicy. 844 00:41:51,800 --> 00:41:54,261 Wait. 845 00:41:54,345 --> 00:41:57,348 You received an unexplained date as an e-mail? 846 00:41:57,431 --> 00:41:58,516 Yeah. 847 00:41:58,599 --> 00:42:01,268 Your next drink's on me. 848 00:42:01,352 --> 00:42:03,854 Oh, how very kind of you. 849 00:42:20,871 --> 00:42:22,164 Oh... 850 00:42:30,839 --> 00:42:33,884 I'd like to be the meat in that fairy sandwich. 851 00:42:33,968 --> 00:42:37,596 So out of your league in so many ways. 852 00:42:40,015 --> 00:42:43,394 * I need two girls * 853 00:42:43,477 --> 00:42:45,437 * If I can't have you * 854 00:42:45,521 --> 00:42:47,439 Holy lesbo. 855 00:42:47,523 --> 00:42:49,358 Is that Bambi and Thumper? 856 00:42:49,441 --> 00:42:50,985 * I need two girls * 857 00:42:51,068 --> 00:42:53,237 * If I can't have you * 858 00:42:53,320 --> 00:42:55,322 All right, Trix, they're all yours. 859 00:42:55,406 --> 00:42:56,323 I'm out. 860 00:42:56,532 --> 00:42:57,950 Where's he-- 861 00:42:58,033 --> 00:42:59,577 What league are we talking about here? 862 00:42:59,660 --> 00:43:02,371 You don't know Bambi Kidd and Thumper Wint? 863 00:43:02,454 --> 00:43:04,248 The Euro-Prague rock superstar 864 00:43:04,331 --> 00:43:06,208 and the British astronaut? 865 00:43:06,292 --> 00:43:08,377 Rod! The Blog! 866 00:43:08,460 --> 00:43:09,920 The reality show. 867 00:43:10,004 --> 00:43:12,673 The daily streaming video. 868 00:43:12,756 --> 00:43:15,551 They are the Beyond-Ultimate Lesbian Power Couple. 869 00:43:15,634 --> 00:43:17,261 They go from town to town, 870 00:43:17,344 --> 00:43:19,972 mm, raising awareness on important issues 871 00:43:20,055 --> 00:43:21,890 by empowering young women... 872 00:43:21,974 --> 00:43:23,726 and then seducing them. 873 00:43:23,809 --> 00:43:25,436 I'm hoping for an autograph. 874 00:43:27,229 --> 00:43:29,523 Or a three-way. 875 00:43:29,607 --> 00:43:31,567 Oh, back off, they're looking over here. 876 00:43:31,650 --> 00:43:35,779 My friends, it's not about buying them flowers. 877 00:43:35,863 --> 00:43:39,241 It's not about pretending to ignore them. 878 00:43:39,325 --> 00:43:42,620 It's all about just knowing. 879 00:43:42,703 --> 00:43:45,998 I know, easy for me to say. 880 00:43:47,166 --> 00:43:50,210 Bambi and Thumper, was it? 881 00:43:52,379 --> 00:43:55,090 Bambi and Thumper. 882 00:43:55,174 --> 00:43:58,469 W-Why are they staring at you? 883 00:43:58,552 --> 00:43:59,762 Oh, you've got to be kidding. 884 00:43:59,845 --> 00:44:01,805 Don't tell me one of them is on that fucking list. 885 00:44:01,889 --> 00:44:06,560 - That list of fucking-- - No, one of them is not on the list. 886 00:44:13,025 --> 00:44:16,153 But you see, even before the list, 887 00:44:16,236 --> 00:44:18,614 I always knew just knowing 888 00:44:18,697 --> 00:44:22,409 beats any gift, tactic, or opening line, 889 00:44:22,493 --> 00:44:24,620 no matter what the sexual orientation. 890 00:44:24,703 --> 00:44:28,207 * If I can't have you * 891 00:44:29,708 --> 00:44:31,543 * One that I can love * 892 00:44:31,627 --> 00:44:33,504 * To have and to hold * 893 00:44:33,587 --> 00:44:34,546 * One for at the club * 894 00:44:34,630 --> 00:44:37,466 Wish me luck. 895 00:44:37,549 --> 00:44:40,719 I may be coming in late tomorrow. 896 00:44:40,803 --> 00:44:41,804 Rod? 897 00:44:49,895 --> 00:44:52,272 Hey, Rod! Hey! 898 00:44:52,356 --> 00:44:54,525 Hey, I found her! 899 00:44:54,608 --> 00:44:55,859 She's the one! 900 00:44:55,943 --> 00:44:57,945 Can you-- What a night! 901 00:45:00,447 --> 00:45:02,825 What a night, indeed. 902 00:45:02,908 --> 00:45:06,286 Hey, have you thought any more about my offer, my love? 903 00:45:06,370 --> 00:45:08,539 I mean, yours are nice, don't get me wrong. 904 00:45:08,622 --> 00:45:10,332 Really, really nice, 905 00:45:10,416 --> 00:45:12,835 but is there really such a thing as too big? 906 00:45:12,918 --> 00:45:16,922 - Let's just enjoy this moment. - All right. 907 00:45:17,005 --> 00:45:19,133 Just, you know, with my position at the company, 908 00:45:19,216 --> 00:45:21,719 I get a 40% discount on whatever kind of implant you want. 909 00:45:21,802 --> 00:45:22,720 Hey, Bob. 910 00:45:22,803 --> 00:45:25,347 Seriously, enjoy the moment. 911 00:45:25,431 --> 00:45:27,266 Okay. You win. 912 00:45:29,143 --> 00:45:32,730 "My wounds are deeper than your desires." 913 00:45:32,813 --> 00:45:36,775 "My wounds are deeper than your desires." 914 00:45:36,859 --> 00:45:40,821 "My wounds are deeper than your desires." 915 00:45:40,904 --> 00:45:44,700 "My wounds are deeper than your desires." 916 00:45:45,951 --> 00:45:46,869 Drink? 917 00:45:48,954 --> 00:45:50,914 Don't mind if I do. 918 00:45:54,668 --> 00:45:57,713 Is the gentleman surprised that he's here? 919 00:45:57,796 --> 00:45:59,006 No, the gentleman is not. 920 00:45:59,089 --> 00:46:01,467 Oh! Did you hear that, Miss Kidd? 921 00:46:01,550 --> 00:46:03,427 He's very cocky. 922 00:46:03,510 --> 00:46:06,388 Accent on the cock, Miss Wint. 923 00:46:10,142 --> 00:46:11,727 Boy, my assistant is gonna kill me-- 924 00:46:11,810 --> 00:46:14,646 That is so sweet. He is trying to talk to us. 925 00:46:14,730 --> 00:46:19,276 Man-guy, just sign the confidentiality agreement on the table. 926 00:46:19,359 --> 00:46:20,277 Now. 927 00:46:20,360 --> 00:46:23,280 The kind sir does understand 928 00:46:23,363 --> 00:46:25,991 a vegan doesn't tell her friends 929 00:46:26,074 --> 00:46:29,036 that she just wolfed down a greasy cheeseburger. 930 00:46:31,747 --> 00:46:34,958 Yes, the kind sir understands... kind of. 931 00:46:36,126 --> 00:46:37,669 Bottoms up. 932 00:47:26,844 --> 00:47:28,470 Whoa! 933 00:47:28,554 --> 00:47:31,807 Looks like everyone's having a good time tonight, huh? 934 00:47:31,890 --> 00:47:33,392 So what do you say about round two? 935 00:47:33,475 --> 00:47:34,852 I may need a little in about 30 minutes. 936 00:47:34,935 --> 00:47:36,937 And I'd like you to meet my family, if that's okay. 937 00:47:37,020 --> 00:47:38,897 I was thinking, I'm from, uh-- 938 00:47:41,483 --> 00:47:43,402 Oh, my God! Is that paint? 939 00:47:43,485 --> 00:47:45,028 Does that come off? 940 00:47:45,112 --> 00:47:46,238 Wh-- why would you do that? 941 00:47:46,321 --> 00:47:47,781 I put this room on my credit card. 942 00:47:47,865 --> 00:47:49,908 What are you trying to do, imitate that disturbed woman 943 00:47:49,992 --> 00:47:51,201 who's going around... 944 00:47:52,995 --> 00:47:53,912 Oh, dear. 945 00:47:55,622 --> 00:47:57,666 What can I say, Bob? 946 00:47:57,749 --> 00:48:00,878 Some dreams are too true to be good. 947 00:48:00,961 --> 00:48:03,755 Well, I must say, you're being a real cun-- 948 00:48:03,839 --> 00:48:05,716 uh-- I didn't say it-- 949 00:48:05,799 --> 00:48:08,176 cunning woman, you are. 950 00:48:08,260 --> 00:48:10,512 That's what I was-- I was g-- help? 951 00:48:10,596 --> 00:48:12,598 Ow! I was faking it! 952 00:48:12,681 --> 00:48:14,474 Don't tell me you were faking it, Miss Kidd. 953 00:48:14,558 --> 00:48:16,894 I know when you're faking it, and you did that thing with your toes! 954 00:48:16,977 --> 00:48:20,230 - No... - Bambi, Thumper, please, don't fight. 955 00:48:20,314 --> 00:48:21,982 You said you wouldn't get jealous, Miss Wint! 956 00:48:23,901 --> 00:48:25,736 Okay. Maybe fight a little more. 957 00:48:25,819 --> 00:48:28,822 This is not about sex! This is about intimacy! 958 00:48:28,906 --> 00:48:30,032 Real intimacy! 959 00:48:30,115 --> 00:48:31,283 That's it. Turn the cameras off. 960 00:48:31,366 --> 00:48:32,951 Keep the camera rolling! 961 00:48:33,035 --> 00:48:34,870 Cameras? Rolling? 962 00:48:34,953 --> 00:48:37,789 Oh, no, no. No, this is crazy. You can't film this! 963 00:48:37,873 --> 00:48:40,792 Well, you did know the confidentiality agreement's really a release form. 964 00:48:40,876 --> 00:48:42,044 Haven't you seen our show? 965 00:48:42,127 --> 00:48:45,255 Don't you change the subject, Star Whore. 966 00:48:50,928 --> 00:48:53,138 Help me, somebody! It's her! She's here! 967 00:48:53,221 --> 00:48:54,890 I think they're kind of having 968 00:48:54,973 --> 00:48:57,392 some problems of their own there, Bob. 969 00:48:57,476 --> 00:48:58,727 Please! Just tell me what you want from me! 970 00:48:58,810 --> 00:49:00,604 Why don't you sleep on it, Bob? 971 00:49:01,521 --> 00:49:03,690 Take forever, if you have to. 972 00:49:03,774 --> 00:49:04,816 Don't. Please. Please. 973 00:49:04,900 --> 00:49:06,443 Please wait. Just wait. Wait. 974 00:49:06,526 --> 00:49:07,736 I-- This is not fair. 975 00:49:07,819 --> 00:49:09,655 It's not like I hit you, or roofied you, 976 00:49:09,738 --> 00:49:12,115 or openly exploited you in-- 977 00:49:12,199 --> 00:49:14,493 Oh, this is the breast implant thing? Okay. 978 00:49:14,576 --> 00:49:15,827 Look, I'm just the company accountant. 979 00:49:15,911 --> 00:49:18,372 I keep the books! Please! 980 00:49:18,455 --> 00:49:21,333 All I need to know is, why? I deserve a good reason-- 981 00:49:21,416 --> 00:49:23,335 Why do men always get to have reasons? 982 00:49:23,418 --> 00:49:26,713 Did you think women get to have reasons when they get attacked? 983 00:49:26,797 --> 00:49:28,840 I want everyone on red alert here. 984 00:49:28,924 --> 00:49:32,135 Although you do bring up a legitimate point. 985 00:49:32,219 --> 00:49:34,137 I mean, you're not Master Bitchslap 986 00:49:34,221 --> 00:49:36,390 or the Parkside Peeper. 987 00:49:36,473 --> 00:49:38,892 Or even that captain of the lacrosse team, who-- 988 00:49:38,976 --> 00:49:40,143 Whoap! 989 00:49:43,146 --> 00:49:44,064 Bob? 990 00:49:44,147 --> 00:49:46,441 Oh...Bob. 991 00:49:48,402 --> 00:49:51,488 Aw, pilgrim. 992 00:49:53,448 --> 00:49:55,200 Guess it was just your time. 993 00:50:02,666 --> 00:50:04,793 Oh, yeah... 994 00:50:04,876 --> 00:50:06,545 What a night. 995 00:50:16,930 --> 00:50:19,057 What time do you have to be down at the new location? 996 00:50:19,141 --> 00:50:21,184 Trixie? 997 00:50:21,268 --> 00:50:23,186 Hey, I'm sorry about last night. 998 00:50:23,270 --> 00:50:24,521 If it makes you feel any better, 999 00:50:24,604 --> 00:50:27,149 it was the most traumatic night of my-- 1000 00:50:27,232 --> 00:50:28,984 Okay, well, it wasn't all bad, but... 1001 00:50:29,067 --> 00:50:31,695 I'm sorry. It's always been a fantasy to be with two women at once. 1002 00:50:31,778 --> 00:50:35,407 You know, lesbians, rock stars, astronauts. 1003 00:50:35,490 --> 00:50:36,616 Okay, maybe not astronauts. 1004 00:50:36,700 --> 00:50:39,286 But you know, sexy female space travelers. 1005 00:50:39,369 --> 00:50:41,079 You're giving the finger to the intercom box, aren't you? 1006 00:50:41,163 --> 00:50:43,457 I know. I know. 1007 00:50:43,540 --> 00:50:45,042 I lied about 'em being on the list. 1008 00:50:45,125 --> 00:50:47,294 The list. Damn it! 1009 00:50:47,586 --> 00:50:49,337 Don't get me wrong, a piece of paper that tells me 1010 00:50:49,421 --> 00:50:50,756 whether or not I'm gonna get lucky, 1011 00:50:50,839 --> 00:50:52,799 you're not gonna say anything bad about, but... 1012 00:50:52,883 --> 00:50:55,218 it's-- it's like... 1013 00:50:55,302 --> 00:50:57,054 watching a tape of a football game, 1014 00:50:57,137 --> 00:50:58,013 and you know your team wins. 1015 00:50:58,096 --> 00:50:59,639 It's not unenjoyable, 1016 00:50:59,723 --> 00:51:02,017 but can it really compare to watching the game live, 1017 00:51:02,100 --> 00:51:03,643 and they're going for it on the fourth down? 1018 00:51:03,727 --> 00:51:05,604 - And you don't know if-- - Sports metaphors... 1019 00:51:05,687 --> 00:51:07,147 aren't my thing. 1020 00:51:07,230 --> 00:51:09,024 But it sounds like you're going for 1021 00:51:09,107 --> 00:51:10,150 "The thrill of the pursuit 1022 00:51:10,233 --> 00:51:12,027 is more exciting than the conquest." 1023 00:51:12,110 --> 00:51:13,028 I can't help it! 1024 00:51:13,111 --> 00:51:14,196 I mean, I see the name, 1025 00:51:14,279 --> 00:51:16,114 I want to find her and meet her, 1026 00:51:16,198 --> 00:51:18,909 so I can cross her out, and I can get to the next name. 1027 00:51:19,743 --> 00:51:21,536 I'm not in control of my own destiny. 1028 00:51:21,620 --> 00:51:22,954 That may be true. 1029 00:51:23,038 --> 00:51:24,873 But you're not supposed to know that! 1030 00:51:24,956 --> 00:51:28,460 You're meddling with the primal forces of nature. 1031 00:51:28,543 --> 00:51:32,089 I mean, my God. Am I on the list, too? 1032 00:51:32,172 --> 00:51:33,965 I mean-- 1033 00:51:39,179 --> 00:51:40,722 Ah. Whew. 1034 00:51:42,140 --> 00:51:44,101 You got scared there a little, didn't you? 1035 00:51:44,184 --> 00:51:46,311 - Oh, you were more scared. - Yes. 1036 00:51:47,104 --> 00:51:48,897 Trixie? 1037 00:51:48,980 --> 00:51:50,690 What if I were meant to be with these women, 1038 00:51:50,774 --> 00:51:52,067 no matter what? 1039 00:51:52,150 --> 00:51:54,611 What if you were meant to bury the list, 1040 00:51:54,694 --> 00:51:56,822 and calm the heck down? 1041 00:51:56,905 --> 00:51:58,323 You know... 1042 00:51:58,406 --> 00:52:02,119 if we bury the list, guess what? 1043 00:52:02,202 --> 00:52:05,038 You were meant to bury the list. 1044 00:52:05,122 --> 00:52:06,414 Live your life. 1045 00:52:06,498 --> 00:52:09,751 Whatever happens, happens. 1046 00:52:12,170 --> 00:52:14,297 You know, it's a sheet of paper, not a body. 1047 00:52:15,966 --> 00:52:17,634 Sheet of paper, not a body! 1048 00:52:20,303 --> 00:52:21,346 Yeah. It's time. 1049 00:52:23,306 --> 00:52:25,058 - Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho. - Breathe. 1050 00:52:25,142 --> 00:52:26,226 Breathe, Roderick! 1051 00:52:26,309 --> 00:52:28,979 Yeah! Breathe! 1052 00:52:29,062 --> 00:52:31,189 Yes, I have deleted all remnants of the list 1053 00:52:31,273 --> 00:52:32,816 on my hard drive. 1054 00:52:32,899 --> 00:52:35,569 But remember, oh weak one, we are putting a tulip to mark this spot. 1055 00:52:35,652 --> 00:52:37,821 If you wuss out, we will dig it up. 1056 00:52:37,904 --> 00:52:39,447 - Wait. One more name? - Oh, Rod! 1057 00:52:39,531 --> 00:52:41,199 Please? 1058 00:52:42,367 --> 00:52:44,327 Couple of letters I'm gonna give ya. 1059 00:52:45,328 --> 00:52:46,246 Dr. Mir-- 1060 00:52:47,664 --> 00:52:49,457 Please, one more letter. 1061 00:52:49,541 --> 00:52:51,710 What's that gonna make? One letter-- no! 1062 00:52:53,753 --> 00:52:55,839 Don't grab it! 1063 00:52:55,922 --> 00:52:56,882 Mir-- Mir-- 1064 00:52:56,965 --> 00:52:58,008 - One more letter! - That's it! 1065 00:52:58,091 --> 00:52:59,843 We're ready! 1066 00:53:02,220 --> 00:53:04,222 I'm starting to take a liking to Trixie. 1067 00:53:04,306 --> 00:53:05,932 I think she's a very good influence. 1068 00:53:06,016 --> 00:53:07,767 It's not gonna happen, Beta. 1069 00:53:07,851 --> 00:53:10,604 You can't bury something that precious. 1070 00:53:12,981 --> 00:53:15,817 Death Nell took her tenth victim last night. 1071 00:53:15,901 --> 00:53:17,152 - Hm? - That double-digit rule. 1072 00:53:17,235 --> 00:53:19,779 When a serial killer hits ten, we get called. 1073 00:53:19,863 --> 00:53:22,032 We-- Like we don't have enough on our plate? 1074 00:53:22,115 --> 00:53:23,742 I thought she only did comas! 1075 00:53:23,825 --> 00:53:25,577 Not last night. 1076 00:53:25,660 --> 00:53:26,912 But on the side of the bright, 1077 00:53:26,995 --> 00:53:29,080 home base says the machine has taken an interest. 1078 00:53:29,164 --> 00:53:31,875 No way he's really doing it! 1079 00:53:31,958 --> 00:53:33,793 -Ready? - Quick. Before I change my mind. 1080 00:53:33,877 --> 00:53:37,005 Way to go, Roderick. 1081 00:53:37,088 --> 00:53:38,798 Way to go. 1082 00:53:42,636 --> 00:53:43,845 Rod, you're missing this. 1083 00:53:43,929 --> 00:53:45,263 They crossed into our territory. 1084 00:53:45,347 --> 00:53:46,723 We could lose this. 1085 00:53:46,806 --> 00:53:49,059 I know. Isn't it exciting? 1086 00:53:49,142 --> 00:53:51,061 If we blow it again in their red zone, 1087 00:53:51,144 --> 00:53:52,771 it's gonna leave a bad taste in my mouth. 1088 00:53:52,854 --> 00:53:54,064 That's what your boyfriend said last night. 1089 00:53:54,189 --> 00:53:56,816 - Hey... - Lester, what are you feeding your turtle? 1090 00:53:56,900 --> 00:53:59,110 Ugh. Anything that will make him sick. 1091 00:53:59,194 --> 00:54:00,695 I'm sorry, Skippy. 1092 00:54:00,779 --> 00:54:03,114 But Daddy's gotta see that veterinarian. 1093 00:54:03,198 --> 00:54:04,783 What? This is nothing! 1094 00:54:04,866 --> 00:54:06,660 I saw this freak in a parking lot 1095 00:54:06,743 --> 00:54:08,828 try to shove a bottle opener in a Great Dane's ass, 1096 00:54:08,912 --> 00:54:10,080 just to get an emergency appointment. 1097 00:54:10,163 --> 00:54:11,957 Are you talking about the vet over on Vera Donna? 1098 00:54:12,082 --> 00:54:14,334 - Oh... - Lizzie threatened to put Mr. Whiskers to sleep 1099 00:54:14,417 --> 00:54:15,669 if I went near that place again. 1100 00:54:15,752 --> 00:54:17,963 - She is so pretty. - Mmm. 1101 00:54:18,046 --> 00:54:19,547 But not in like a, "I'm a model, 1102 00:54:19,631 --> 00:54:20,840 don't fucking look at me" way. 1103 00:54:20,924 --> 00:54:23,802 - And she's just so smart and funny. - Yes. 1104 00:54:23,885 --> 00:54:26,054 And you know what I love about her? My favorite thing. 1105 00:54:26,137 --> 00:54:27,389 - The way she cracks her neck. - Mmm-mm-mm. 1106 00:54:27,472 --> 00:54:30,016 - What about that silver anklet of hers? - Ohh... 1107 00:54:30,100 --> 00:54:31,810 You know, if you can't make it to the clinic, 1108 00:54:31,893 --> 00:54:33,228 you should try the gym on Wednesday, 1109 00:54:33,311 --> 00:54:35,021 or Trader Joe's on Thursday. 1110 00:54:35,105 --> 00:54:36,690 - Well, I do like Trader Joe's. - Yeah. 1111 00:54:36,773 --> 00:54:38,149 It's all on the Dr. Miranda Storm website. 1112 00:54:38,233 --> 00:54:39,484 Yeah, it's a website. I've been there. 1113 00:54:39,567 --> 00:54:42,779 It's put together by one of these real stalker geek types. 1114 00:54:42,862 --> 00:54:45,073 Oh, thank God you're not one of those. 1115 00:54:45,156 --> 00:54:47,117 Ladies, we've got a football game going on here. 1116 00:54:47,200 --> 00:54:49,160 Enough talking about the X chromosome. 1117 00:54:49,244 --> 00:54:52,372 Especially the almighty Dr. Miranda-- 1118 00:54:54,457 --> 00:54:56,001 Dr. Mir-- 1119 00:54:58,962 --> 00:55:00,088 Is he smirking? 1120 00:55:00,171 --> 00:55:01,172 You're smirking. Why is Rod smirking? 1121 00:55:01,256 --> 00:55:02,716 Interception! 1122 00:55:02,799 --> 00:55:04,134 You see it? 1123 00:55:05,802 --> 00:55:07,178 I told you! I told you! 1124 00:55:07,262 --> 00:55:09,681 Yes! Oh, yes! 1125 00:55:13,310 --> 00:55:15,020 Phew. Perfecto. 1126 00:55:15,103 --> 00:55:17,647 I can still make Miranda's 4:20 Starbucks appearance. 1127 00:55:17,731 --> 00:55:18,773 She orders a... 1128 00:55:18,857 --> 00:55:20,317 Macchiato with extra foam. 1129 00:55:20,400 --> 00:55:22,569 I could use some caffeine myself. I'll come with. 1130 00:55:22,652 --> 00:55:25,113 No, you're not getting anywhere near her, Midas Dick. 1131 00:55:25,196 --> 00:55:26,364 Fine. I'll go to Deitrich's, then. 1132 00:55:26,448 --> 00:55:27,574 I got work to do, anyway. 1133 00:55:27,657 --> 00:55:28,908 Please, Rod. 1134 00:55:28,992 --> 00:55:30,827 Just this one time, don't seduce this-- 1135 00:55:32,287 --> 00:55:35,248 Oh, diarrhea! Yes! 1136 00:56:17,499 --> 00:56:17,581 You always carry a bottle opener? 1137 00:56:17,582 --> 00:56:21,044 This little guy? He's been through a lot. 1138 00:56:21,127 --> 00:56:23,963 I quit my job today because of this bottle opener. 1139 00:56:24,047 --> 00:56:26,883 Not-so-great day. Long story. 1140 00:56:30,053 --> 00:56:31,596 Why were you staring at me? 1141 00:56:31,679 --> 00:56:33,973 Oh, don't worry, Doc. I'm not one of your stalkers. 1142 00:56:34,057 --> 00:56:37,310 If I were, I'd be at Starbucks about now, wouldn't I? 1143 00:56:37,394 --> 00:56:39,813 You've seen the website. 1144 00:56:39,896 --> 00:56:41,398 No. I've-- I've heard about it. 1145 00:56:41,481 --> 00:56:42,899 I've heard about you. 1146 00:56:42,982 --> 00:56:45,735 Really. Well, you missed out. 1147 00:56:45,819 --> 00:56:47,195 It's quite good. 1148 00:56:47,278 --> 00:56:50,824 It's got great graphics, challenging quizzes. 1149 00:56:50,907 --> 00:56:54,828 It's obviously caused me to rearrange my rituals. 1150 00:56:58,748 --> 00:57:00,625 You're not gonna use your spoon, are you? 1151 00:57:16,724 --> 00:57:18,977 Okay. The bottle opener, I'm gonna let slide. 1152 00:57:19,060 --> 00:57:21,855 But the spoon? Start talking. 1153 00:57:21,938 --> 00:57:24,107 A place like this, it gives you a knife, 1154 00:57:24,190 --> 00:57:26,526 a fork, a spoon, wrapped in a napkin. 1155 00:57:26,609 --> 00:57:28,153 Now the knife, the fork, the napkin, 1156 00:57:28,236 --> 00:57:29,654 they all get used. 1157 00:57:29,737 --> 00:57:32,407 Most cafe items, they don't call for a spoon. 1158 00:57:32,490 --> 00:57:35,118 But that little guy, he gets thrown in the washing machine, 1159 00:57:35,201 --> 00:57:37,954 over and over, time and time again. 1160 00:57:38,037 --> 00:57:40,039 Without a sense of worth. 1161 00:57:41,332 --> 00:57:43,042 Not only compassionate to furry creatures, 1162 00:57:43,126 --> 00:57:44,836 but inanimate objects as well. 1163 00:57:44,919 --> 00:57:48,465 There's gonna be some fun in the chat room tonight. 1164 00:57:49,799 --> 00:57:52,135 You're doing it again. 1165 00:57:52,218 --> 00:57:56,806 That funny, charming staring thing. 1166 00:57:59,434 --> 00:58:00,768 It's not unpleasant. 1167 00:58:02,520 --> 00:58:06,649 But you should know that I...recently got out 1168 00:58:06,733 --> 00:58:08,902 of a very bad relationship, so I'm-- 1169 00:58:08,985 --> 00:58:12,739 Yeah, I just got out of a lot of bad relationships. 1170 00:58:12,822 --> 00:58:14,407 I promise I won't fall in love with you 1171 00:58:14,491 --> 00:58:17,243 as long as you promise you won't fall in love with me. 1172 00:58:20,580 --> 00:58:21,998 Oh, I promise. 1173 00:58:28,129 --> 00:58:30,507 Favorite Vonnegut. One, two, three. 1174 00:58:30,590 --> 00:58:31,925 Cat's Cradle. 1175 00:58:32,008 --> 00:58:34,302 Favorite Dylan. One, two, three. 1176 00:58:34,385 --> 00:58:36,596 Nashville Skyline. 1177 00:58:38,473 --> 00:58:41,768 Funniest movie ever made. One, two, three. 1178 00:58:41,851 --> 00:58:43,394 - Some Like It Hot. - Caddyshack. 1179 00:58:43,478 --> 00:58:44,729 Oh. Guys in dresses. 1180 00:58:44,812 --> 00:58:47,315 That's really reinventing the wheel there, Roderick. 1181 00:58:47,398 --> 00:58:49,275 A woman who likes Caddyshack. 1182 00:58:49,359 --> 00:58:50,485 Who wouldn't like Caddyshack? 1183 00:58:50,568 --> 00:58:52,529 Favorite porno? One, two, three. 1184 00:58:54,489 --> 00:58:56,616 All those tingling thrill-of-the-pursuit 1185 00:58:56,699 --> 00:58:58,243 feelings came flooding back. 1186 00:58:58,326 --> 00:59:00,662 So then came wish three. 1187 00:59:00,745 --> 00:59:02,497 I said I wanted a pumpkin as a head. 1188 00:59:04,832 --> 00:59:07,085 Sure, I had the whole "Dr. Mir" thing, 1189 00:59:07,168 --> 00:59:09,963 from my peek at the list, to clue me into where Miranda and I were heading. 1190 00:59:10,046 --> 00:59:12,382 But this would be more than a romance. 1191 00:59:12,465 --> 00:59:15,426 More than a mere checking-off of a name. 1192 00:59:16,427 --> 00:59:18,555 This would be love. 1193 00:59:18,638 --> 00:59:20,390 Why rush the sex? 1194 00:59:20,473 --> 00:59:22,559 - Okay. - All day, people wheel 1195 00:59:22,642 --> 00:59:24,394 and take back the carts in the front. 1196 00:59:24,477 --> 00:59:26,229 And this poor bastard in the middle 1197 00:59:26,354 --> 00:59:28,481 - probably hasn't been pushed in months. - Tragic. 1198 00:59:28,565 --> 00:59:30,149 It's tr-- you know what? It is. Help. 1199 00:59:30,233 --> 00:59:32,569 You know, you say you've been looking for an idea for a children's book. 1200 00:59:32,652 --> 00:59:34,696 How about all these inanimate objects of yours? 1201 00:59:34,779 --> 00:59:37,448 The spoon that never gets used. 1202 00:59:37,532 --> 00:59:40,451 The missing sock that reunites with his twin. 1203 00:59:40,535 --> 00:59:43,663 The multi-CD player that tragically gets turned off 1204 00:59:43,746 --> 00:59:45,790 seconds before proudly finishing 1205 00:59:45,873 --> 00:59:47,959 a five-disc shuffle. 1206 00:59:50,420 --> 00:59:51,754 That's so it. 1207 00:59:51,838 --> 00:59:53,298 Yes, it is. 1208 00:59:54,549 --> 00:59:55,550 Roderick... 1209 00:59:58,011 --> 01:00:00,430 I've been looking for you all my life. 1210 01:00:07,770 --> 01:00:09,439 You're the best! 1211 01:00:09,522 --> 01:00:12,233 Come on. Get out. 1212 01:00:12,400 --> 01:00:15,361 Okay. The cheek thing had thrown me a bit. 1213 01:00:15,445 --> 01:00:17,614 But there's nothing like a warm kiss 1214 01:00:17,697 --> 01:00:19,699 coming after a delicious home-cooked meal. 1215 01:00:19,782 --> 01:00:21,951 Compliments to the chef. 1216 01:00:22,035 --> 01:00:26,080 Hmm. 1217 01:00:26,164 --> 01:00:28,916 - Yup. I was back in the kitchen. - Yeah? 1218 01:00:29,000 --> 01:00:31,753 And the chef thinks you're pretty great, too. 1219 01:00:33,630 --> 01:00:35,632 Oh, I'm sorry. I'm just-- just not-- 1220 01:00:35,715 --> 01:00:37,383 - No, no, no, no. It's okay. - I'm just feeling-- 1221 01:00:37,467 --> 01:00:38,593 Just relax. It's okay-- 1222 01:00:38,676 --> 01:00:41,012 - No, Roderick. - It's all right. 1223 01:00:43,723 --> 01:00:45,642 I adore you. 1224 01:00:45,725 --> 01:00:47,769 I do. 1225 01:00:47,852 --> 01:00:49,562 I'm just... 1226 01:00:49,646 --> 01:00:50,980 screwed up about sex. 1227 01:00:51,064 --> 01:00:52,273 Ah, it's okay-- 1228 01:00:52,357 --> 01:00:54,442 I mean, you're handsome. 1229 01:00:54,525 --> 01:00:56,277 Devilishly so, if you must know. 1230 01:00:57,445 --> 01:01:01,908 It's just... you so remind me 1231 01:01:01,991 --> 01:01:03,660 of the guy my mom went out with, 1232 01:01:03,743 --> 01:01:05,453 after the divorce, Rockin' Randy. 1233 01:01:05,536 --> 01:01:06,496 He ran the surf shop. 1234 01:01:06,579 --> 01:01:10,415 And he was a cross between you and Bam-Bam 1235 01:01:10,416 --> 01:01:12,627 from The Flintstones. 1236 01:01:12,710 --> 01:01:14,128 Listen, okay, look. 1237 01:01:14,212 --> 01:01:16,130 I'm not saying nothing's ever gonna happen between us. 1238 01:01:16,214 --> 01:01:18,132 I'm not saying that. I'm just-- 1239 01:01:20,301 --> 01:01:22,136 I'm just saying if it's gonna happen... 1240 01:01:23,554 --> 01:01:24,806 it's just gonna happen. 1241 01:01:24,889 --> 01:01:26,849 - Yeah. - Right? 1242 01:01:26,933 --> 01:01:28,309 Yeah. 1243 01:01:28,393 --> 01:01:29,852 Really, why worry about it? 1244 01:01:32,355 --> 01:01:33,398 You're the best. 1245 01:01:34,732 --> 01:01:36,317 I'm gonna clean up. 1246 01:01:37,568 --> 01:01:40,071 You can pick out another DVD. 1247 01:01:40,154 --> 01:01:41,614 Something funny. 1248 01:01:50,707 --> 01:01:52,041 I guess you could say 1249 01:01:52,125 --> 01:01:54,794 that's when the madness set in. 1250 01:01:54,877 --> 01:01:56,838 Thanks. 1251 01:01:56,921 --> 01:01:59,716 So Miranda and I went to the Fellini retrospective yesterday. 1252 01:01:59,799 --> 01:02:02,677 Oh, she said the coolest thing. 1253 01:02:02,760 --> 01:02:05,263 - If Marcelo were alive-- - Have you fucked her yet? 1254 01:02:07,473 --> 01:02:08,975 What is with that question? 1255 01:02:09,058 --> 01:02:10,685 Have you fucked her yet? 1256 01:02:10,768 --> 01:02:12,061 Have you fucked her yet? 1257 01:02:12,145 --> 01:02:14,188 Son... 1258 01:02:14,272 --> 01:02:15,565 have you fucked her yet? 1259 01:02:15,648 --> 01:02:16,774 Yo, Rod, have you fucked her-- 1260 01:02:16,858 --> 01:02:18,067 Hey, have you-- 1261 01:02:25,450 --> 01:02:26,659 Let me tell you something. 1262 01:02:26,743 --> 01:02:30,037 Miranda and I are building a bond of trust and respect. 1263 01:02:30,121 --> 01:02:32,623 Excuse me for still believing that love is something 1264 01:02:32,707 --> 01:02:35,877 more than a sloppy fusion of genitalia. 1265 01:02:35,960 --> 01:02:38,212 Miranda, we need to discuss something. 1266 01:02:38,296 --> 01:02:41,215 - I-- - Oh, shit. 1267 01:02:41,299 --> 01:02:43,217 - Shit, shit, shit. - You okay? 1268 01:02:43,301 --> 01:02:44,886 Hide me. No, just hide me. 1269 01:02:44,969 --> 01:02:45,970 Sure. 1270 01:02:46,053 --> 01:02:48,890 There's a Frida Kahlo-looking dude. 1271 01:02:48,973 --> 01:02:49,891 No, no, right-- 1272 01:02:49,974 --> 01:02:51,100 Oh, no, I got it. 1273 01:02:51,184 --> 01:02:55,062 I met him at this Halloween Poe poetry reading thing. 1274 01:02:55,146 --> 01:02:56,773 I can't believe I slept with him. 1275 01:02:56,856 --> 01:02:57,857 I was wasted. 1276 01:02:57,940 --> 01:03:00,151 Halloween, two weeks ago Halloween? 1277 01:03:00,234 --> 01:03:02,487 I told you, I'm totally screwed up about sex. 1278 01:03:02,570 --> 01:03:05,031 Screwed up about sex? Screwed up about sex? 1279 01:03:05,114 --> 01:03:06,741 It's more like you're screwing. 1280 01:03:06,824 --> 01:03:08,242 That's funny. 1281 01:03:08,326 --> 01:03:09,619 Come on, let's go somewhere else. 1282 01:03:11,162 --> 01:03:12,371 Bam-Bam. 1283 01:03:17,293 --> 01:03:18,795 Back in the day, 1284 01:03:18,878 --> 01:03:22,423 if a woman didn't have sex with you it was okay, 1285 01:03:22,548 --> 01:03:26,385 because it wasn't like she was having sex with anyone else. 1286 01:03:26,469 --> 01:03:29,013 Where is that whore-bitch Jane Austen when you need her? 1287 01:03:29,096 --> 01:03:31,933 I chose to remember the good times. 1288 01:03:32,016 --> 01:03:33,184 The way Miranda made you feel 1289 01:03:33,267 --> 01:03:35,895 like you were the only one in the world. 1290 01:03:35,978 --> 01:03:38,606 That time she read my slaughterhouse reform bill. 1291 01:03:42,026 --> 01:03:45,279 It's wonderful, just wonderful. 1292 01:03:47,281 --> 01:03:49,700 But then there was that next day at lunch. 1293 01:03:49,784 --> 01:03:51,035 How was that salad for you? 1294 01:03:51,118 --> 01:03:52,036 Oh... 1295 01:03:54,914 --> 01:03:57,708 Wonderful, just wonderful. 1296 01:04:04,924 --> 01:04:08,344 And in conclusion, yeah, go ahead, crucify me, 1297 01:04:08,427 --> 01:04:10,221 but I refuse to live in a society 1298 01:04:10,304 --> 01:04:12,974 that has reduced the world to the question, 1299 01:04:13,057 --> 01:04:14,559 "Have you fucked her yet?" 1300 01:04:14,642 --> 01:04:17,061 That would be a no. 1301 01:04:18,938 --> 01:04:20,064 I don't even think he's seen her naked. 1302 01:04:27,071 --> 01:04:28,990 Oh... 1303 01:04:29,073 --> 01:04:32,451 Wonderful, just wonderful. 1304 01:04:32,535 --> 01:04:33,703 What the fuck? 1305 01:04:37,832 --> 01:04:42,211 I'm not saying nothing's ever gonna happen between us. 1306 01:04:54,390 --> 01:04:56,017 Doctor... 1307 01:04:56,100 --> 01:04:57,810 Mir-- hah! 1308 01:04:57,894 --> 01:04:59,395 That's what I'm talking about. 1309 01:04:59,478 --> 01:05:02,273 Yes, Dr. Mirabella Stone! 1310 01:05:02,356 --> 01:05:05,776 No! No! 1311 01:05:05,860 --> 01:05:10,156 No! 1312 01:05:18,247 --> 01:05:19,498 Don't mock me. 1313 01:05:19,582 --> 01:05:21,042 Miranda told me she was coming out 1314 01:05:21,125 --> 01:05:22,293 of a bad relationship. 1315 01:05:22,376 --> 01:05:25,254 And no one has ever had sex coming out of a bad relationship. 1316 01:05:25,338 --> 01:05:28,132 Oh, we're moving way too fast, 1317 01:05:28,215 --> 01:05:31,135 I'm not feeling well. 1318 01:05:31,218 --> 01:05:32,720 If someone wants to have sex with you, 1319 01:05:32,803 --> 01:05:34,305 they'll have sex with you. 1320 01:05:34,388 --> 01:05:36,140 The rest is just dinner theater. 1321 01:05:36,223 --> 01:05:39,393 So that's it. The machine. 1322 01:05:39,477 --> 01:05:41,812 Oh, no, the machine is much-- 1323 01:05:41,896 --> 01:05:44,941 Sure. The wall has a connection. 1324 01:05:45,024 --> 01:05:46,734 Thing's going to be the death of me. 1325 01:05:46,817 --> 01:05:49,987 Oh, come on, cheer up, droopy drawers. 1326 01:05:50,071 --> 01:05:51,781 I mean, look on the side of the bright. 1327 01:05:51,864 --> 01:05:55,618 Even if you went down to a tropical island, all right? 1328 01:05:55,701 --> 01:05:58,537 The remaining 34 chicks on this list 1329 01:05:58,621 --> 01:06:01,165 would be renting jet skis to zoom down there 1330 01:06:01,248 --> 01:06:03,668 and party with you whether you liked it or not. 1331 01:06:03,751 --> 01:06:06,128 I don't like it. I don't want other women. 1332 01:06:06,212 --> 01:06:07,338 I want Miranda! 1333 01:06:08,589 --> 01:06:10,007 I've been a good sport with this thing. 1334 01:06:10,091 --> 01:06:11,509 There was a little weirdness at the beginning, 1335 01:06:11,592 --> 01:06:13,594 but I went with the flow. 1336 01:06:13,678 --> 01:06:15,888 I sabotaged a wedding, I lost deposits, 1337 01:06:15,972 --> 01:06:17,431 I toyed with a lot of people's feelings, 1338 01:06:17,515 --> 01:06:21,227 including my own, but I didn't care. 1339 01:06:21,310 --> 01:06:23,229 I care now. 1340 01:06:23,312 --> 01:06:25,773 I have found someone that touches me 1341 01:06:25,856 --> 01:06:27,191 down to my marrow. 1342 01:06:27,274 --> 01:06:29,944 And if you think that some contraption is gonna-- 1343 01:06:30,027 --> 01:06:31,070 You know, you know-- 1344 01:06:31,153 --> 01:06:33,406 sometimes love is stronger than-- 1345 01:06:33,489 --> 01:06:34,824 No, it's not! 1346 01:06:44,625 --> 01:06:46,836 I was so proud of you when you... 1347 01:06:46,919 --> 01:06:48,754 were burying the list in the backyard. 1348 01:06:48,838 --> 01:06:52,341 Horoscopes, psychics, Tarot cards, 1349 01:06:52,425 --> 01:06:55,594 coming attractions that give away the whole movie. 1350 01:06:55,678 --> 01:06:58,764 Why must you people know everything? 1351 01:06:58,848 --> 01:07:00,474 That's a good point, Alpha, sir. 1352 01:07:00,558 --> 01:07:02,560 Remember when you said the machine was a mystery? 1353 01:07:02,643 --> 01:07:05,146 That could mean that there's some kind of kink or flaw, 1354 01:07:05,229 --> 01:07:06,272 something that we don't know about-- 1355 01:07:06,355 --> 01:07:08,149 Stop thinking about the machine, Mr. Blank. 1356 01:07:08,232 --> 01:07:09,400 It's progress. 1357 01:07:09,483 --> 01:07:12,194 There's nothing you can do about it. 1358 01:07:12,278 --> 01:07:15,573 Science and technology don't care whether we live or die. 1359 01:07:17,158 --> 01:07:18,576 Excuse me. 1360 01:07:21,996 --> 01:07:24,206 Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 1361 01:07:24,290 --> 01:07:26,584 The solution's been right in front of us the whole time! 1362 01:07:26,667 --> 01:07:28,085 What, what is it? 1363 01:07:28,169 --> 01:07:29,086 Blow jobs. 1364 01:07:29,170 --> 01:07:31,297 Blow jobs! Oh, man, what a loophole. 1365 01:07:31,380 --> 01:07:34,133 All right, sex is work. 1366 01:07:34,216 --> 01:07:36,218 Is she having a good time? Am I meeting her needs? 1367 01:07:36,302 --> 01:07:37,928 You got to think about her feelings, 1368 01:07:38,012 --> 01:07:40,890 but with a blow job, you just lie back, 1369 01:07:40,973 --> 01:07:42,641 every now and then touch the back of her head 1370 01:07:42,975 --> 01:07:44,101 if you think she's getting tentative. 1371 01:07:44,185 --> 01:07:46,979 I mean, seriously, if someone gives me an intercourse buffet, 1372 01:07:47,063 --> 01:07:49,148 or just a blow job on a stick, 1373 01:07:49,231 --> 01:07:50,775 I'll take blow job on a stick, dude. 1374 01:07:50,858 --> 01:07:53,360 No, you people-- you people are sick. 1375 01:07:53,444 --> 01:07:55,654 I've given my heart to Miranda. 1376 01:07:55,738 --> 01:07:57,156 I want to cradle her in my arms, 1377 01:07:57,239 --> 01:07:59,033 I want to make the kind of love where you feel 1378 01:07:59,116 --> 01:08:01,660 as though you're one living, breathing... 1379 01:08:01,744 --> 01:08:03,079 You really think she might go down on me? 1380 01:08:04,163 --> 01:08:07,958 Death Nell has just put to sleep 1381 01:08:08,042 --> 01:08:10,336 an entire fraternity in Fresno. 1382 01:08:10,419 --> 01:08:11,420 Eight members. 1383 01:08:11,504 --> 01:08:13,130 Death Nell? 1384 01:08:13,214 --> 01:08:14,799 What do you guys do for a living again? 1385 01:08:14,882 --> 01:08:16,175 It's the double-digit rule. 1386 01:08:16,258 --> 01:08:18,677 When a serial killer hits ten victims, we get called. 1387 01:08:18,761 --> 01:08:21,347 No, I'm still getting details. 1388 01:08:21,430 --> 01:08:23,182 Apparently... 1389 01:08:24,683 --> 01:08:26,685 Well, apparently it was the same frat house 1390 01:08:26,769 --> 01:08:27,728 that was acquitted last year 1391 01:08:27,812 --> 01:08:29,647 for manufacturing the date rape drug. 1392 01:08:40,741 --> 01:08:43,911 D.N. put her own drug in the keg. 1393 01:08:46,413 --> 01:08:47,748 Is that amusing to you, Roderick? 1394 01:08:47,832 --> 01:08:49,500 No, I'm just checking my messages. 1395 01:08:49,583 --> 01:08:52,211 The almighty machine's rep's about to take another hit. 1396 01:08:53,796 --> 01:08:55,965 They love the concepts, they love the drawings, 1397 01:08:56,048 --> 01:08:58,884 they-- they're going to publish the book! 1398 01:08:58,968 --> 01:09:02,263 Rod, I owe you so, so, much! 1399 01:09:02,346 --> 01:09:04,265 There's no way we are not celebrating tonight. 1400 01:09:04,348 --> 01:09:06,142 Okay? So I'm going to be at your place, 1401 01:09:06,225 --> 01:09:09,103 8:00 sharp, ready for action. 1402 01:09:10,104 --> 01:09:11,647 I so love you. 1403 01:09:13,357 --> 01:09:16,443 You're a very lucky man to have found such a soulmate, Mr. Blank, 1404 01:09:16,527 --> 01:09:17,653 but unfortunately-- 1405 01:09:17,736 --> 01:09:19,446 It's in her voice! 1406 01:09:19,530 --> 01:09:21,198 You don't even need the bizarro list. 1407 01:09:21,282 --> 01:09:23,200 She doesn't think of you in-- 1408 01:09:23,284 --> 01:09:25,327 Roderick... 1409 01:09:26,662 --> 01:09:29,290 I'm certain that some very interesting things 1410 01:09:29,373 --> 01:09:31,584 will occur this evening. 1411 01:09:31,667 --> 01:09:34,128 Your penis going into her vagina will not be one them. 1412 01:09:37,464 --> 01:09:38,841 But have a lovely evening. 1413 01:09:40,176 --> 01:09:41,760 Gentlemen, I'd love to stay and chat, 1414 01:09:41,844 --> 01:09:45,222 but I got a date with a lady. 1415 01:09:56,192 --> 01:09:58,652 I don't think he's even seen her naked. 1416 01:10:06,410 --> 01:10:07,411 Hey! 1417 01:10:07,494 --> 01:10:08,621 Author! 1418 01:10:08,704 --> 01:10:10,039 Author! 1419 01:10:10,122 --> 01:10:12,041 Thank you. J.K. Rowling, eat shit. 1420 01:10:12,124 --> 01:10:15,628 I'm so sorry I'm late, it's just-- 1421 01:10:15,711 --> 01:10:17,254 It's been crazy. 1422 01:10:17,338 --> 01:10:18,964 But I told everyone that we'd meet them at the bar. 1423 01:10:19,048 --> 01:10:20,674 - It's my treat, for once. - Everyone? 1424 01:10:20,758 --> 01:10:22,343 I thought tonight was between you and-- 1425 01:10:22,426 --> 01:10:24,386 I made pesto. 1426 01:10:26,639 --> 01:10:28,182 You did. 1427 01:10:28,265 --> 01:10:31,060 That's so sweet, but Rod, we gotta go out. 1428 01:10:31,143 --> 01:10:32,811 We're celebrating! 1429 01:10:32,895 --> 01:10:34,730 My brother and the two Jessicas, they're already there, 1430 01:10:34,813 --> 01:10:36,315 but you know what, it's no big deal. 1431 01:10:36,398 --> 01:10:38,108 - Hey, hey, just relax. - Listen, if you-- what? 1432 01:10:38,192 --> 01:10:39,610 Let's just hang for a bit, 1433 01:10:39,693 --> 01:10:42,446 you know, a little pre-party. 1434 01:10:42,529 --> 01:10:46,033 Dude, I thought we were past this. 1435 01:10:48,202 --> 01:10:49,411 No? 1436 01:10:52,957 --> 01:10:55,584 Miranda, I know you once said you weren't attracted to me, 1437 01:10:55,668 --> 01:10:58,170 but that was before we went on the camping trip. 1438 01:10:58,254 --> 01:11:01,257 That was before I loaded the graphics program into your laptop. 1439 01:11:01,340 --> 01:11:04,134 - Before-- - Why is it that men think that women-- 1440 01:11:04,218 --> 01:11:09,890 women are like these giant thermometers at those telethons, 1441 01:11:09,974 --> 01:11:11,642 where every time you do something nice for them, 1442 01:11:11,725 --> 01:11:14,144 they get a little redder, and a little redder, 1443 01:11:14,228 --> 01:11:15,896 and a little redder, and a little redder, 1444 01:11:15,980 --> 01:11:17,690 and when you hit the top, we have to fuck you? 1445 01:11:17,773 --> 01:11:19,483 That is not funny! 1446 01:11:19,566 --> 01:11:20,859 Shit! 1447 01:11:20,943 --> 01:11:21,902 Okay, I'm sorry. 1448 01:11:21,986 --> 01:11:24,071 All right, just slip on down here, 1449 01:11:24,154 --> 01:11:25,990 just do a little clean-up. 1450 01:11:29,827 --> 01:11:32,746 Hey, what are the five scariest words a woman can say? 1451 01:11:32,830 --> 01:11:35,207 - I wanna be-- - Just friends. 1452 01:11:40,963 --> 01:11:45,009 You know, it's like some bad stand-up routine. 1453 01:11:45,092 --> 01:11:48,304 Just? Just. 1454 01:11:48,387 --> 01:11:51,181 Do you know how important it was for me 1455 01:11:51,265 --> 01:11:53,183 to make one real friend in this city? 1456 01:11:56,478 --> 01:11:59,106 I would die for you. 1457 01:11:59,189 --> 01:12:02,026 Who do you think I'm dedicating my book to? 1458 01:12:02,109 --> 01:12:04,028 My insane parents? 1459 01:12:05,529 --> 01:12:10,868 "To Roderick Blank, my friend." 1460 01:12:18,125 --> 01:12:20,377 Nice celebration. 1461 01:12:32,264 --> 01:12:34,933 Oh, Miranda. 1462 01:12:35,142 --> 01:12:36,727 Man, that is one tough break. 1463 01:12:36,810 --> 01:12:38,854 Girlfriend finds out her little book's 1464 01:12:38,937 --> 01:12:41,357 getting published and then... 1465 01:12:41,440 --> 01:12:42,441 It's terrible. 1466 01:12:45,194 --> 01:12:48,113 Not my girlfriend. 1467 01:12:49,406 --> 01:12:51,116 For what it's worth, from our end, 1468 01:12:51,200 --> 01:12:53,243 we're satisfied the death was just an accident. 1469 01:12:53,327 --> 01:12:54,953 Just-- 1470 01:12:55,037 --> 01:12:55,996 Excuse me, officer, 1471 01:12:56,080 --> 01:12:58,707 I wanted to give Mr. Blank the opportunity 1472 01:12:58,791 --> 01:13:01,668 - to say goodbye to his girlfriend. - Not my-- 1473 01:13:01,752 --> 01:13:03,170 Can I be alone with her? 1474 01:13:08,342 --> 01:13:10,594 Miranda. 1475 01:13:10,677 --> 01:13:13,180 Oh, precious Miranda. 1476 01:13:15,516 --> 01:13:18,143 You know, I never wanted this. 1477 01:13:18,227 --> 01:13:21,313 I-I only wanted-- 1478 01:13:21,397 --> 01:13:23,399 They said that we could never, 1479 01:13:23,482 --> 01:13:25,401 never ever be together. 1480 01:13:27,736 --> 01:13:29,988 But hey, 1481 01:13:30,072 --> 01:13:32,157 we're gonna have the last laugh, 1482 01:13:32,241 --> 01:13:33,575 are we not, my love? 1483 01:13:44,586 --> 01:13:48,006 Okay, now that I think about it, 1484 01:13:48,090 --> 01:13:50,134 maybe this is where the madness set in. 1485 01:13:50,217 --> 01:13:53,178 Yes, I know, my beacon of light. 1486 01:13:53,262 --> 01:13:56,557 This is sad, this is desperate, 1487 01:13:56,640 --> 01:13:59,268 this is disgusting, 1488 01:13:59,351 --> 01:14:02,187 but aren't all revolutions? 1489 01:14:03,272 --> 01:14:05,941 We have to stand up to the list. 1490 01:14:06,024 --> 01:14:08,902 Stand up to the machine. 1491 01:14:08,986 --> 01:14:12,156 Stand up to fate. 1492 01:14:12,239 --> 01:14:14,408 Stand up, soldier. 1493 01:14:14,491 --> 01:14:16,410 Oh, come on, stand up. 1494 01:14:58,118 --> 01:15:01,330 Oh, let it out, Mr. Blank. 1495 01:15:01,413 --> 01:15:03,832 It's okay. Let it out. 1496 01:15:05,250 --> 01:15:08,128 You poor, sweet man. 1497 01:15:08,212 --> 01:15:12,299 You poor, sweet, handsome man. 1498 01:15:22,351 --> 01:15:25,354 Oh, shh... 1499 01:15:25,437 --> 01:15:27,689 It's okay. 1500 01:15:46,750 --> 01:15:48,335 Sorry. 1501 01:15:48,418 --> 01:15:51,797 Believe me, I'd hoped it was a dream sequence, too. 1502 01:15:53,006 --> 01:15:54,424 If it makes you feel any better, 1503 01:15:54,508 --> 01:15:57,803 my tale has a satisfying ending. 1504 01:15:57,886 --> 01:16:00,305 But this isn't it. 1505 01:16:00,389 --> 01:16:03,058 It's only number 67. 1506 01:16:55,569 --> 01:16:58,405 Six, five, four, 1507 01:16:58,488 --> 01:17:03,535 three, two, one, Happy New Year! 1508 01:17:13,503 --> 01:17:15,380 Nobody has said "Happy New Year" to you. 1509 01:17:15,464 --> 01:17:17,424 Thank you. Roderick Blank. 1510 01:17:17,507 --> 01:17:19,468 Ester Fenchel. 1511 01:17:19,551 --> 01:17:21,261 But your friends call you Terry. 1512 01:17:21,345 --> 01:17:23,221 No, but that's strange 1513 01:17:23,305 --> 01:17:26,642 because that's my husband's name, Terry. 1514 01:17:26,725 --> 01:17:28,226 Nice tie. 1515 01:17:33,023 --> 01:17:35,275 Just leave the bottle. 1516 01:17:36,610 --> 01:17:39,696 Gentlemen, I give you the Matador. 1517 01:17:42,699 --> 01:17:44,910 Oh! No! Not the prototype! 1518 01:17:44,993 --> 01:17:47,496 Eating and starving, 1519 01:17:47,579 --> 01:17:49,956 and eating and starving. 1520 01:17:50,040 --> 01:17:53,001 I was told to take some time off, 1521 01:17:53,085 --> 01:17:55,671 to get away from it all for a while. 1522 01:17:55,754 --> 01:17:58,382 But there was no escape. 1523 01:17:58,465 --> 01:18:00,550 I had noticed a lot of French, German, 1524 01:18:00,634 --> 01:18:02,427 and Italian names on the list, 1525 01:18:02,511 --> 01:18:04,805 so I dutifully booked passage to Europe. 1526 01:18:04,888 --> 01:18:07,140 Hearing of all the magnifique women, 1527 01:18:07,224 --> 01:18:08,558 my friends concluded that I had had 1528 01:18:08,642 --> 01:18:12,020 the greatest vacation of all time. 1529 01:18:12,104 --> 01:18:13,814 I'm glad they enjoyed it. 1530 01:18:35,127 --> 01:18:36,169 Good evening. 1531 01:18:36,253 --> 01:18:39,673 You have to fuck me, so come over and fuck me. 1532 01:18:39,756 --> 01:18:42,175 No dinner. Do you have a pen? 1533 01:18:42,259 --> 01:18:43,510 Let me give you directions. 1534 01:18:43,593 --> 01:18:44,845 Ew! 1535 01:18:51,768 --> 01:18:52,769 Hello. 1536 01:18:52,853 --> 01:18:56,398 Oh, star 69. Yes, it was a crank. 1537 01:18:56,481 --> 01:18:58,525 I'm sorry. 1538 01:18:58,608 --> 01:19:00,318 Your mother picked up? Fainted? 1539 01:19:00,402 --> 01:19:02,696 -Yes. - Oh, my God, I'm so sorry. 1540 01:19:04,656 --> 01:19:06,324 Why are you laughing? 1541 01:19:06,408 --> 01:19:08,785 In my own feeble way, 1542 01:19:08,869 --> 01:19:10,746 I had tried to defy the list. 1543 01:19:10,829 --> 01:19:11,913 But once again, 1544 01:19:11,997 --> 01:19:13,957 the list knew what it was doing, 1545 01:19:14,040 --> 01:19:16,042 what I was doing. 1546 01:19:16,126 --> 01:19:17,461 But guess what. 1547 01:19:17,544 --> 01:19:18,670 I was about to meet a woman 1548 01:19:18,754 --> 01:19:22,090 that was the answer to all my problems. 1549 01:19:22,174 --> 01:19:24,676 - Hope? - Amber Anne. 1550 01:19:24,760 --> 01:19:26,303 Roderick? 1551 01:19:30,599 --> 01:19:34,603 I've been trying for years to get a rise out of my mother. 1552 01:19:34,686 --> 01:19:37,189 You did it in five seconds. 1553 01:19:38,732 --> 01:19:40,567 Name your poison. 1554 01:19:40,650 --> 01:19:42,194 [Narrating] Hope Hartlight was the author 1555 01:19:42,277 --> 01:19:44,362 of a best-selling self-help book. 1556 01:19:44,446 --> 01:19:47,616 I found her to be warm, compassionate, 1557 01:19:47,699 --> 01:19:49,326 and a little old. 1558 01:19:49,409 --> 01:19:51,703 So I wasn't attracted to Hope Hartlight. 1559 01:19:51,787 --> 01:19:54,289 It's not like I was going to get out of having sex with her. 1560 01:19:54,372 --> 01:19:57,542 So, to her surprise, I asked her out again, 1561 01:19:57,626 --> 01:20:00,212 figuring we'd eventually accidentally end up having sex, 1562 01:20:00,295 --> 01:20:02,714 and I could move on. 1563 01:20:02,798 --> 01:20:05,842 But a funny thing happened. 1564 01:20:05,926 --> 01:20:07,761 Hope listened. 1565 01:20:07,844 --> 01:20:10,180 Hope guided. 1566 01:20:10,263 --> 01:20:13,767 Hope was literature after ten months of pop-up books, 1567 01:20:13,850 --> 01:20:16,144 chess after ten months of checkers. 1568 01:20:16,228 --> 01:20:18,271 You're a chapter 17. 1569 01:20:18,355 --> 01:20:19,898 May she spring eternal-- 1570 01:20:19,981 --> 01:20:22,609 As for my friends, what do you think? 1571 01:20:22,692 --> 01:20:24,653 Hope was an Earth-mother goddess, 1572 01:20:24,736 --> 01:20:26,905 put down here to save the sinner's soul. 1573 01:20:26,988 --> 01:20:29,407 If you let her go, I'll bring her back. 1574 01:20:29,491 --> 01:20:31,576 You know, you strike me as the kind of guy 1575 01:20:31,660 --> 01:20:33,703 who would make fun of a one-month 1576 01:20:33,787 --> 01:20:36,039 anniversary celebration. 1577 01:20:36,122 --> 01:20:38,667 You've changed me. 1578 01:20:38,750 --> 01:20:40,418 You've healed me. 1579 01:20:45,841 --> 01:20:47,884 That's a really beautiful thing to say. 1580 01:20:47,968 --> 01:20:49,678 Thank you. 1581 01:20:49,761 --> 01:20:52,138 You know, I've got that book signing 1582 01:20:52,222 --> 01:20:54,307 next week in Vermont. 1583 01:20:54,391 --> 01:20:56,852 I'm thinking maybe you should come with me. 1584 01:20:56,935 --> 01:20:59,229 They've got a terrific bed and breakfast up there. 1585 01:20:59,312 --> 01:21:00,272 Oh, my God. 1586 01:21:00,355 --> 01:21:01,731 We could just sleep late, 1587 01:21:01,815 --> 01:21:04,651 on the day I don't have to work, of course. 1588 01:21:04,734 --> 01:21:06,945 But you could just hang out all day. 1589 01:21:07,028 --> 01:21:08,905 You can walk around naked in the backyard. 1590 01:21:08,989 --> 01:21:10,949 There's nobody there, it's off-season. 1591 01:21:12,742 --> 01:21:14,202 Hope Hartlight didn't really vanish 1592 01:21:14,286 --> 01:21:16,580 into thin air like that. 1593 01:21:16,663 --> 01:21:18,123 It took a couple of weeks. 1594 01:21:18,206 --> 01:21:19,833 How could being the answer to all my problems 1595 01:21:19,916 --> 01:21:21,209 not be enough? 1596 01:21:21,293 --> 01:21:23,378 If a friend of mine had been going out with Hope, 1597 01:21:23,461 --> 01:21:25,088 I'd be so proud of him. 1598 01:21:25,171 --> 01:21:26,631 Guess that's the problem. 1599 01:21:26,715 --> 01:21:28,717 I'd be proud, but I wouldn’t be jealous. 1600 01:21:28,800 --> 01:21:30,635 And a man would rather have another man's jealousy 1601 01:21:30,719 --> 01:21:32,679 than another man's respect. 1602 01:21:32,762 --> 01:21:36,141 Man, hate to say that one out loud. 1603 01:21:37,934 --> 01:21:39,394 Okay. 1604 01:21:39,477 --> 01:21:42,022 So, maybe Hope wasn't the hottest piece of pie 1605 01:21:42,105 --> 01:21:43,523 you've ever been with, 1606 01:21:43,607 --> 01:21:45,859 but Roderick, I was so proud of you. 1607 01:21:45,942 --> 01:21:48,111 Us married guys are taking a lot of heat over this one, big guy. 1608 01:21:48,820 --> 01:21:50,363 It seems that you broke some 1609 01:21:50,447 --> 01:21:52,908 "messing with the feelings of a woman over 35" covenant. 1610 01:21:52,991 --> 01:21:56,077 I thought we agreed we weren't going to do an intervention. 1611 01:21:56,161 --> 01:21:58,747 No, we agreed we wouldn't use the word "intervention." 1612 01:21:58,830 --> 01:22:01,166 - Of course it's an intervention. - Okay. 1613 01:22:01,249 --> 01:22:02,792 Poor Rod, still under the illusion 1614 01:22:02,876 --> 01:22:04,336 that out there walking around 1615 01:22:04,419 --> 01:22:06,588 is the perfect girl, just for him. 1616 01:22:06,755 --> 01:22:08,965 News break! This just in. 1617 01:22:09,049 --> 01:22:10,800 The woman known to the world as Death Nell 1618 01:22:10,884 --> 01:22:12,886 has apparently left her driver's license 1619 01:22:12,969 --> 01:22:15,096 at the site of her latest attack. 1620 01:22:15,180 --> 01:22:16,222 It is the break in the case 1621 01:22:16,306 --> 01:22:19,434 investigators have been hoping and praying for all year. 1622 01:22:19,517 --> 01:22:22,520 And now, Channel Nine gives you an exclusive first look 1623 01:22:22,604 --> 01:22:25,273 at this dramatic license. 1624 01:22:25,357 --> 01:22:26,608 If you're just joining us, 1625 01:22:26,691 --> 01:22:28,818 Death Nell seduced and sedated 1626 01:22:28,902 --> 01:22:31,863 misogynist shock jock D.J. Harry Hunt 1627 01:22:31,947 --> 01:22:33,156 during a commercial break 1628 01:22:33,239 --> 01:22:34,574 on his morning drive-time program. 1629 01:22:34,658 --> 01:22:36,993 I appreciate everyone's concern here. 1630 01:22:37,077 --> 01:22:39,621 I, um... 1631 01:22:39,704 --> 01:22:40,622 Hello? 1632 01:22:40,705 --> 01:22:42,165 Hey, Trixie, turn that up. 1633 01:22:42,248 --> 01:22:45,168 Did they really catch that satanic succubus? 1634 01:22:45,251 --> 01:22:48,505 No, and the word's "freedom fighter." 1635 01:22:48,588 --> 01:22:50,924 - Can we go in closer on that license-- - Let me guess. 1636 01:22:51,007 --> 01:22:53,343 I'm gonna bet that her real name is not Death Nell! 1637 01:22:53,426 --> 01:22:56,179 This is some intervention. 1638 01:22:56,262 --> 01:22:57,931 Gillian De Raisx. 1639 01:22:58,014 --> 01:23:01,643 That name again, folks, Gillian De Raisx. 1640 01:23:01,726 --> 01:23:05,021 Death Nell is Gillian De Raisx. 1641 01:23:05,105 --> 01:23:08,817 Gillian De Raisx. The X is silent. 1642 01:23:08,900 --> 01:23:10,860 It was a name that sounded familiar. 1643 01:23:10,944 --> 01:23:13,989 And when a name sounded familiar, it usually meant... 1644 01:23:16,449 --> 01:23:20,161 Okay, this wasn't happening. 1645 01:23:20,245 --> 01:23:21,913 I know what you're thinking. 1646 01:23:21,997 --> 01:23:24,582 Surely I would have memorized the last name on the list. 1647 01:23:24,666 --> 01:23:28,044 Not to put too fine a point on it, but why? 1648 01:23:28,128 --> 01:23:30,630 No one wants to think about the last name on the list, 1649 01:23:30,714 --> 01:23:33,967 because the last name on the list means... 1650 01:23:35,552 --> 01:23:37,554 What did you say to him? Where's he going? 1651 01:23:50,775 --> 01:23:51,735 Fred! 1652 01:23:51,818 --> 01:23:53,653 Oh, man, it's kind of funny. 1653 01:23:53,737 --> 01:23:55,864 It's not like she's the next one. 1654 01:23:55,947 --> 01:23:57,282 She may not be the next one, 1655 01:23:57,365 --> 01:23:58,616 but she sure as hell is the last one. 1656 01:23:58,700 --> 01:24:01,077 Hey, there's got to be another woman on the planet 1657 01:24:01,161 --> 01:24:02,912 whose name is Gillian De aisx. 1658 01:24:02,996 --> 01:24:05,040 With her last name spelled with a silent X? 1659 01:24:05,123 --> 01:24:06,833 - I don't think so. - Calm down. 1660 01:24:06,916 --> 01:24:11,171 Gillian de Raisx may not be the Gillian de Raisx. 1661 01:24:11,254 --> 01:24:13,631 As you can see, the machine is closing in 1662 01:24:13,715 --> 01:24:15,592 on the one known as Death Nell. 1663 01:24:15,675 --> 01:24:17,594 The timelines have been just a little off, but-- 1664 01:24:17,677 --> 01:24:18,678 Oh, great. 1665 01:24:25,226 --> 01:24:26,853 More coordinates. 1666 01:24:26,936 --> 01:24:29,647 At this rate, I'd say a couple of weeks from now 1667 01:24:29,731 --> 01:24:31,649 by the end of March, the Oracle will tell us 1668 01:24:31,733 --> 01:24:32,942 where Gillian de Raisx is staying 1669 01:24:33,026 --> 01:24:34,861 at the precise moment she's staying there. 1670 01:24:34,944 --> 01:24:37,489 Now, I'm assuming, Mr. Blank, 1671 01:24:37,572 --> 01:24:39,491 that you can hold off from having sex with how many? 1672 01:24:39,574 --> 01:24:40,742 - Twenty. - Twenty. 1673 01:24:40,825 --> 01:24:42,911 Twenty different women in the next two weeks. 1674 01:24:42,994 --> 01:24:45,580 Hey, I've had sex with three women in my entire life-- 1675 01:24:45,663 --> 01:24:47,916 none if you don't count paying for it. 1676 01:24:47,999 --> 01:24:49,459 I could live off 20 women. 1677 01:24:49,542 --> 01:24:52,128 Now, we can tell you not to have sex, 1678 01:24:52,212 --> 01:24:55,090 but you have to go beyond that now. 1679 01:24:55,173 --> 01:24:59,052 You have to take your mind to a whole other realm. 1680 01:24:59,135 --> 01:25:01,137 Read a book you've always wanted to read. 1681 01:25:01,221 --> 01:25:03,348 I find model airplanes can be an exacting 1682 01:25:03,431 --> 01:25:04,599 but ultimately rewarding-- 1683 01:25:04,682 --> 01:25:05,725 Model airplanes are great, 1684 01:25:05,809 --> 01:25:07,143 but I got to go back to the blow jobs. 1685 01:25:07,227 --> 01:25:10,063 Fred. Not constructive. 1686 01:25:10,146 --> 01:25:12,148 How do you feel about biking? 1687 01:25:13,733 --> 01:25:15,860 I can't believe these are the kind of conversations 1688 01:25:15,944 --> 01:25:18,071 I've become a part of. 1689 01:25:18,154 --> 01:25:19,531 He's still in torment. Give him one. 1690 01:25:19,614 --> 01:25:20,865 One what? 1691 01:25:20,949 --> 01:25:22,742 Ah, yes, yes. 1692 01:25:22,826 --> 01:25:25,328 Our aforementioned Oracle, 1693 01:25:25,411 --> 01:25:29,332 while rather erratic in capturing criminals, 1694 01:25:29,415 --> 01:25:31,918 has come up with the answers 1695 01:25:32,001 --> 01:25:35,213 to some of our culture's most significant mysteries. 1696 01:25:35,296 --> 01:25:37,465 And I think we can give you one of them. 1697 01:25:37,549 --> 01:25:39,175 Any of the biggies? 1698 01:25:39,259 --> 01:25:42,762 Okay, uh, who killed Nicole Simpson and Ron Goldman? 1699 01:25:42,846 --> 01:25:44,305 - You're kidding. - Yeah, I'm kidding. 1700 01:25:44,389 --> 01:25:45,515 Let me see. Let me see. 1701 01:25:45,598 --> 01:25:47,433 How about who really shot JFK? 1702 01:25:47,517 --> 01:25:48,393 Oh, pick another one. 1703 01:25:49,144 --> 01:25:50,270 It takes, like, 20 minutes to print out. 1704 01:25:50,353 --> 01:25:51,354 Okay, life on other planets. 1705 01:25:51,437 --> 01:25:52,772 How many planets in the universe have-- 1706 01:25:52,856 --> 01:25:55,108 - Eleven. - Eleven? That's it? 1707 01:25:55,191 --> 01:25:57,235 That's it. How many more do you want? 1708 01:25:57,318 --> 01:25:59,195 Wait a sec. Does God exist? 1709 01:25:59,279 --> 01:26:01,030 Cut it out. You only get one. 1710 01:26:01,114 --> 01:26:03,241 Please. You guys are mean. 1711 01:26:03,324 --> 01:26:05,326 You don't want to be in L.A. on July 4th weekend. 1712 01:26:05,410 --> 01:26:08,121 Beta, enough. 1713 01:26:13,376 --> 01:26:16,129 There are 20 human shields between you and Miss de Raisx. 1714 01:26:16,212 --> 01:26:18,298 Be conservative. 1715 01:26:18,381 --> 01:26:22,093 Don't use up any of them until we catch the villainess. 1716 01:26:23,887 --> 01:26:25,054 And remember... 1717 01:26:26,931 --> 01:26:29,309 a new realm of existence. 1718 01:26:29,392 --> 01:26:31,978 A new realm of existence. 1719 01:26:32,061 --> 01:26:35,148 No sex... 1720 01:26:35,231 --> 01:26:36,357 no death. 1721 01:26:37,358 --> 01:26:39,068 Good luck. 1722 01:26:56,127 --> 01:26:59,297 * On my own again * 1723 01:26:59,380 --> 01:27:00,798 * Oh, oh * 1724 01:27:00,882 --> 01:27:03,801 * On my own again * 1725 01:27:03,885 --> 01:27:05,094 * Oh, oh * 1726 01:27:05,178 --> 01:27:08,181 * On the move again * 1727 01:27:24,239 --> 01:27:25,990 * I need to be * 1728 01:27:26,074 --> 01:27:28,576 * On my own again * 1729 01:27:28,660 --> 01:27:30,703 * I want to be * 1730 01:27:30,787 --> 01:27:32,872 * On my own again * 1731 01:27:32,956 --> 01:27:33,873 Yay! 1732 01:27:33,957 --> 01:27:35,124 Whoo! 1733 01:27:37,961 --> 01:27:40,088 "I never believed the wild and lascivious 1734 01:27:40,171 --> 01:27:43,758 letters in your magazine were true until now." 1735 01:27:45,093 --> 01:27:47,220 "My best friend was cycling upstate 1736 01:27:47,303 --> 01:27:49,138 "when his bike hit a pothole, 1737 01:27:49,222 --> 01:27:51,140 "sending him head over heels. 1738 01:27:51,224 --> 01:27:53,643 "Lucky for my buddy, a bus on its way 1739 01:27:53,726 --> 01:27:55,853 "up to an 'Up With Jesus' jamboree, stopped, 1740 01:27:55,979 --> 01:27:59,232 "and the students of a nondenominational Idaho Bible college 1741 01:27:59,315 --> 01:28:01,651 "lifted his dazed, bruised body 1742 01:28:01,734 --> 01:28:03,861 "and put it in the middle of the aisle. 1743 01:28:03,945 --> 01:28:06,114 "He thought they were going to help him. 1744 01:28:06,197 --> 01:28:09,075 "Instead, they helped themselves. 1745 01:28:09,158 --> 01:28:10,910 "Among the girls of the bus, 1746 01:28:10,994 --> 01:28:13,162 "there had been much talk of the albatross 1747 01:28:13,246 --> 01:28:16,165 "of not having lost one's virginity. 1748 01:28:16,249 --> 01:28:17,709 "My friend's appearance on the road 1749 01:28:17,792 --> 01:28:19,836 "was taken as a sign. 1750 01:28:19,919 --> 01:28:21,754 "A pact was made. 1751 01:28:21,838 --> 01:28:23,756 "Everyone's virginity must go, 1752 01:28:23,840 --> 01:28:26,384 "and he would be the chosen vessel. 1753 01:28:26,467 --> 01:28:28,386 "All virgins. 1754 01:28:28,469 --> 01:28:30,888 "All 18-year-olds. 1755 01:28:30,972 --> 01:28:32,390 "Uniforms. 1756 01:28:32,473 --> 01:28:37,145 "Nineteen 18-year-old virgins in uniforms. 1757 01:28:37,228 --> 01:28:40,189 Straws were drawn, and first up was Mona Farlow." 1758 01:28:42,233 --> 01:28:45,320 Fuck. Fuck! 1759 01:28:45,403 --> 01:28:47,363 Fuck. 1760 01:28:50,158 --> 01:28:53,911 Fuck, fuck, fuck. 1761 01:28:53,995 --> 01:28:57,457 Fuck, fuckity, fuck, fuck, fuck. 1762 01:28:59,334 --> 01:29:01,669 Fuck. 1763 01:29:01,753 --> 01:29:05,131 Fuck. Fuck! 1764 01:29:05,214 --> 01:29:09,510 "It was a day my friend would never forget." 1765 01:29:09,594 --> 01:29:11,262 Any changes before we mail it in? 1766 01:29:11,346 --> 01:29:13,639 Please stop. I can't take it. 1767 01:29:15,266 --> 01:29:16,934 I'm curious. Was there a lot of blood? 1768 01:29:20,438 --> 01:29:21,773 Sorry. Never mind. Wow! 1769 01:29:21,856 --> 01:29:23,733 - The ultimate male perversion. - God! 1770 01:29:23,816 --> 01:29:25,151 You can die now. 1771 01:29:25,234 --> 01:29:27,195 Well, that seems to be the problem. 1772 01:29:37,914 --> 01:29:40,124 Have I told you all the good news? 1773 01:29:40,208 --> 01:29:41,667 I'm getting married. 1774 01:29:41,751 --> 01:29:43,836 The lucky gal's name is Ethel Walters. 1775 01:29:43,920 --> 01:29:45,380 I hope you can all make the wedding. 1776 01:29:45,463 --> 01:29:47,048 Ethel Walters? 1777 01:29:47,131 --> 01:29:48,132 Do we know her? 1778 01:29:48,216 --> 01:29:49,801 I don't know. Do you? 1779 01:29:49,884 --> 01:29:52,011 I really need to get in touch with her right away. 1780 01:29:52,095 --> 01:29:54,305 Does the name ring a bell with anyone? 1781 01:29:54,389 --> 01:29:56,682 Maybe you should lie back down. 1782 01:29:56,766 --> 01:29:58,184 Hey, you know what? 1783 01:29:58,267 --> 01:30:00,144 Where was the driver in all this? 1784 01:30:00,228 --> 01:30:01,813 Because I get that the church group chaperone 1785 01:30:01,896 --> 01:30:04,190 was on another bus, but you can't tell me 1786 01:30:04,273 --> 01:30:05,817 they let the second group of girls just transport themselves. 1787 01:30:05,900 --> 01:30:08,361 The driver, yeah. 1788 01:30:08,444 --> 01:30:11,239 I don't seem to r-- 1789 01:30:11,322 --> 01:30:13,866 That's funny. The driver... 1790 01:30:13,950 --> 01:30:16,119 There's a whole lot of action going on back here. 1791 01:30:16,202 --> 01:30:18,079 Figure I'd get myself a piece. 1792 01:30:18,162 --> 01:30:19,539 Now, now, you relax. 1793 01:30:19,622 --> 01:30:22,250 You skinny little white girls ain't tattling on nobody. 1794 01:30:22,333 --> 01:30:26,337 Fuck! 1795 01:30:30,091 --> 01:30:31,467 You can't have sex with me! 1796 01:30:31,551 --> 01:30:33,886 Roderick, it's me, Trixie. 1797 01:30:33,970 --> 01:30:35,304 I'm not going to rape you. 1798 01:30:35,388 --> 01:30:37,265 - You know that. - Just leave me alone. 1799 01:30:37,348 --> 01:30:39,475 Get up, you big baby. 1800 01:30:40,435 --> 01:30:42,228 Got one word for you: Qantas. 1801 01:30:42,311 --> 01:30:43,855 You are going to Australia. 1802 01:30:43,938 --> 01:30:46,357 Your flight leaves in the morning, so start packing. 1803 01:30:46,441 --> 01:30:48,776 You don't get it. I can't escape. 1804 01:30:48,860 --> 01:30:51,487 She'll rent a jet ski, and she'll track me down. 1805 01:30:51,571 --> 01:30:53,197 I was on the Net all night. 1806 01:30:53,281 --> 01:30:54,740 I found another Gillian de Raisx. 1807 01:30:54,824 --> 01:30:56,659 Oh, yeah, that spells her last name with a-- 1808 01:30:56,742 --> 01:30:58,494 Yes, with a silent X. 1809 01:30:59,579 --> 01:31:02,373 She's a marine biologist based outside of Sydney. 1810 01:31:06,419 --> 01:31:07,503 Oh, this picture. 1811 01:31:07,587 --> 01:31:09,380 Which one's the walrus? 1812 01:31:10,506 --> 01:31:11,799 She's big-boned 1813 01:31:11,883 --> 01:31:14,135 with a healthy appetite for life, asshole. 1814 01:31:14,302 --> 01:31:16,262 What is-- What is that on her face? 1815 01:31:16,429 --> 01:31:17,512 It's a rash 1816 01:31:17,513 --> 01:31:20,057 from her exploration of the Barrier Reef. 1817 01:31:20,141 --> 01:31:21,809 - Ooh. - Oh, God! 1818 01:31:21,893 --> 01:31:23,519 Roderick, 1819 01:31:23,603 --> 01:31:24,937 you'd rather die than have sex 1820 01:31:25,021 --> 01:31:28,149 with an overweight woman with a slight skin condition? 1821 01:31:28,232 --> 01:31:29,567 But it's-- 1822 01:31:29,650 --> 01:31:30,943 it's not that slight. 1823 01:31:31,027 --> 01:31:34,363 Trixie, I'm sure she's a great-- 1824 01:31:34,447 --> 01:31:36,365 I got you some books to read on the plane. 1825 01:31:36,449 --> 01:31:39,285 I have underlined some very good conversation starters. 1826 01:31:39,368 --> 01:31:41,245 So help me, if you do not go Down Under 1827 01:31:41,329 --> 01:31:42,663 and seduce this Sheila-- 1828 01:31:42,747 --> 01:31:45,041 Well, I do like dolphins. 1829 01:31:45,124 --> 01:31:46,417 Trixie. 1830 01:31:48,503 --> 01:31:50,838 No matter what happens, 1831 01:31:50,922 --> 01:31:52,340 thank you for being there. 1832 01:31:52,423 --> 01:31:54,091 You're a true pal. 1833 01:31:56,469 --> 01:31:58,554 It's good to be a lesbian, isn't it? 1834 01:31:58,638 --> 01:32:00,765 Send me a postcard, jerk. 1835 01:32:02,433 --> 01:32:04,101 With a koala on it. 1836 01:32:22,328 --> 01:32:24,789 * Doot-doo doot-doo doo-doo-doo-doo * 1837 01:32:24,872 --> 01:32:27,583 * Doot-doo doot-doo doo-doo-doo-doo * 1838 01:32:27,667 --> 01:32:30,503 * Doot-doo doot-doo doo-doo-doo-doo * 1839 01:32:30,586 --> 01:32:33,422 * Doo-doo-doo-doo doot-doo-doo doo-doo-doo * 1840 01:32:33,506 --> 01:32:36,300 * Doot-doo doot-doo doo-doo-doo-doo * 1841 01:32:37,885 --> 01:32:39,053 * Doo-doo-doo-doo * 1842 01:32:39,136 --> 01:32:41,430 * Doot-doo doot-doo doo-doo-doo-doo * 1843 01:32:41,514 --> 01:32:42,515 * Doo-doo-doo-doo * 1844 01:32:54,652 --> 01:32:56,070 Please don't pork me. 1845 01:32:56,153 --> 01:32:59,073 Hey, if you insist, hot rod. 1846 01:32:59,156 --> 01:33:03,035 Listen, the Almighty Oracle has come through. 1847 01:33:03,119 --> 01:33:04,996 We have confirmation 1848 01:33:05,079 --> 01:33:07,498 that Death Nell is going to be down here 1849 01:33:07,582 --> 01:33:09,458 at the Mayfair Hotel. 1850 01:33:10,835 --> 01:33:11,877 I've entered her room. 1851 01:33:11,961 --> 01:33:14,171 Mr. A's not here at this precise moment, 1852 01:33:14,255 --> 01:33:16,257 but her things most certainly are. 1853 01:33:16,340 --> 01:33:19,093 Friends, I've got chills. 1854 01:33:20,386 --> 01:33:22,763 Fred, Beta, you guys-- 1855 01:33:22,847 --> 01:33:24,682 Wait. It's April Fool's Day, isn't it? 1856 01:33:24,765 --> 01:33:25,850 It's 10 after midnight, 1857 01:33:25,933 --> 01:33:28,394 - officially April 2. - Ha. 1858 01:33:28,477 --> 01:33:29,770 Yes, Roderick. 1859 01:33:29,854 --> 01:33:31,981 We have quite a welcoming party 1860 01:33:32,064 --> 01:33:33,482 planned for the nasty minx. 1861 01:33:33,566 --> 01:33:35,109 Oh. 1862 01:33:35,192 --> 01:33:38,404 Oh, this is-- this is amazing. 1863 01:33:38,487 --> 01:33:42,283 You don't know what it's been like. 1864 01:33:42,366 --> 01:33:44,702 And I have found the loophole 1865 01:33:44,785 --> 01:33:45,911 of all loopholes. 1866 01:33:45,995 --> 01:33:47,288 It's not blow jobs, 1867 01:33:47,371 --> 01:33:48,748 and it's not hand jobs. 1868 01:33:48,831 --> 01:33:50,166 It's exes. 1869 01:33:50,249 --> 01:33:53,085 It's ex, as in ex-girlfriends, all right? 1870 01:33:53,169 --> 01:33:54,545 I want-- just-- listen. 1871 01:33:54,629 --> 01:33:56,464 Check the names on the list. 1872 01:33:56,547 --> 01:33:58,507 Do any names appear twice? 1873 01:33:58,591 --> 01:34:00,509 Any doubles? All right, no. 1874 01:34:00,593 --> 01:34:02,386 Then don't tell me... 1875 01:34:02,470 --> 01:34:04,972 that you've never hooked up with some ex-girlfriend 1876 01:34:05,056 --> 01:34:07,725 for a little, uh, you know, "remember when" sex. 1877 01:34:07,808 --> 01:34:10,436 No, you're right. I had sex with Laura Baxter 1878 01:34:10,519 --> 01:34:12,605 every time I came home for Christmas. 1879 01:34:12,688 --> 01:34:14,190 And she's only listed once. 1880 01:34:14,273 --> 01:34:16,108 And whenever I travel through St. Louis, 1881 01:34:16,192 --> 01:34:18,235 I always stop in on Diana Scott. 1882 01:34:18,319 --> 01:34:20,696 We're going to get you some reelection sex, all right? 1883 01:34:20,780 --> 01:34:23,240 I'm talking about Grover Cleveland poontang. 1884 01:34:23,324 --> 01:34:25,534 Go back to Hope, number 80. 1885 01:34:25,618 --> 01:34:27,620 What you had was real. She'll take you back. 1886 01:34:27,703 --> 01:34:29,538 Yes. There's Hope. 1887 01:34:29,622 --> 01:34:31,999 I've had so many wonderful, fascinating women in my life. 1888 01:34:32,083 --> 01:34:34,085 I've never really been worthy of any of them. 1889 01:34:34,168 --> 01:34:36,087 Uhh! Don't listen to Beta. 1890 01:34:36,170 --> 01:34:37,421 Do not listen to him. 1891 01:34:37,505 --> 01:34:39,674 He hates boners and fun, all right? 1892 01:34:39,757 --> 01:34:42,843 What you have to do is you got to find that school bus, 1893 01:34:42,927 --> 01:34:45,429 and you got to hook up with those little Bible brats 1894 01:34:45,513 --> 01:34:47,640 numbers 81 through 99, 1895 01:34:47,723 --> 01:34:50,685 and maybe give 84 a pass with the back zits. 1896 01:34:50,768 --> 01:34:53,729 - And you just get-- get-- - Sir? 1897 01:34:53,813 --> 01:34:57,191 Yes. It's right there. 1898 01:34:57,274 --> 01:35:00,569 Get one of them to change her name to Gillian de Raisx. 1899 01:35:00,653 --> 01:35:01,779 And you perfect-- 1900 01:35:01,862 --> 01:35:03,489 Stop it. 1901 01:35:05,157 --> 01:35:07,368 The theories on the table are adorable. 1902 01:35:07,451 --> 01:35:09,412 But Roderick, be cool. 1903 01:35:09,495 --> 01:35:11,580 Gillian will be at the hotel any minute, 1904 01:35:11,664 --> 01:35:13,374 and our organization-- 1905 01:35:13,457 --> 01:35:17,169 well, we don't believe in trials and arrests. 1906 01:35:17,253 --> 01:35:18,713 So I want you to hang tight, 1907 01:35:18,796 --> 01:35:20,631 and do not, I repeat, 1908 01:35:20,715 --> 01:35:23,050 do not leave your house. 1909 01:35:23,134 --> 01:35:24,427 Okay. 1910 01:35:24,510 --> 01:35:25,594 Call you when she's dead. 1911 01:35:25,678 --> 01:35:28,013 All right. I'll be here. 1912 01:35:28,097 --> 01:35:29,849 Thank you. Good-bye. 1913 01:35:31,434 --> 01:35:32,810 Ohh... 1914 01:36:47,593 --> 01:36:50,805 Did you really think I was gonna get off easy? 1915 01:36:50,888 --> 01:36:53,516 Did you want me to? 1916 01:36:53,599 --> 01:36:55,643 I know I promised you a satisfying ending, 1917 01:36:55,726 --> 01:36:56,977 but there will be no triumphant return 1918 01:36:57,061 --> 01:36:59,730 to Fiona, Hope, or anybody else. 1919 01:36:59,814 --> 01:37:02,358 There will be no chasing a cab, 1920 01:37:02,441 --> 01:37:03,776 no stopping a wedding, 1921 01:37:03,859 --> 01:37:07,780 no tearful reconciliations on a train platform, 1922 01:37:07,863 --> 01:37:12,076 and no morning flights to Australia. 1923 01:37:12,159 --> 01:37:16,247 To escape the sins of my April 2nd to April 2nd saga 1924 01:37:16,330 --> 01:37:19,667 would feel so, so wrong. 1925 01:37:19,750 --> 01:37:21,335 Yes, my true destiny 1926 01:37:21,418 --> 01:37:24,630 was staying in a hotel downtown. 1927 01:37:24,713 --> 01:37:28,551 I was going out with a lady called Death. 1928 01:37:28,634 --> 01:37:31,011 No God or Machine could help me now. 1929 01:37:32,888 --> 01:37:34,682 And that felt so, 1930 01:37:34,765 --> 01:37:35,933 so right. 1931 01:37:42,857 --> 01:37:47,236 You live by the sword, you die by the sword. 1932 01:37:47,319 --> 01:37:50,239 One sexual position left. 1933 01:37:50,322 --> 01:37:52,241 Call it the karma sutra. 1934 01:37:54,618 --> 01:37:56,495 The end is coming. 1935 01:37:56,579 --> 01:37:58,998 And coming is the end. 1936 01:37:59,164 --> 01:38:00,875 We've checked all the sectors, Fred. 1937 01:38:00,958 --> 01:38:02,001 Okay, you know what? 1938 01:38:02,084 --> 01:38:04,879 My name is not Fred. It's Commander Delta. 1939 01:38:04,962 --> 01:38:07,047 - It-- just go. In. - Move. 1940 01:38:12,803 --> 01:38:13,888 Excuse me. 1941 01:38:13,971 --> 01:38:16,098 Miss Death? Nell? 1942 01:38:16,181 --> 01:38:18,601 Or do you prefer Gillian? 1943 01:38:18,684 --> 01:38:20,436 I'm not afraid of you anymore. 1944 01:38:23,022 --> 01:38:25,190 Death Nell's alive and inside us. 1945 01:38:26,567 --> 01:38:28,027 Look at him! He's so scared! 1946 01:38:28,110 --> 01:38:31,113 Aww! 1947 01:38:33,908 --> 01:38:36,785 Oh, where you going? Come back, ladies' man! 1948 01:38:50,257 --> 01:38:51,800 Whew... 1949 01:38:51,884 --> 01:38:55,095 Well, you caused quite a commotion out there. 1950 01:38:55,179 --> 01:38:57,389 Is there something you wanted to tell me? 1951 01:38:57,473 --> 01:38:59,516 Tell you? No. I, uh-- 1952 01:39:03,270 --> 01:39:04,355 Oh. 1953 01:39:05,606 --> 01:39:06,899 Hi. 1954 01:39:08,609 --> 01:39:09,777 Agents. 1955 01:39:09,860 --> 01:39:13,197 There's agents staked out at your hotel. 1956 01:39:13,280 --> 01:39:15,783 In your room. 1957 01:39:15,866 --> 01:39:17,034 Thanks. 1958 01:39:19,328 --> 01:39:20,955 You know I'm not innocent, right? 1959 01:39:21,038 --> 01:39:22,748 Yeah. 1960 01:39:26,251 --> 01:39:28,587 Can I-- Can I join... 1961 01:39:51,110 --> 01:39:52,236 Wow. 1962 01:39:53,278 --> 01:39:55,656 This, uh, place is amazing. 1963 01:39:55,739 --> 01:39:56,991 You know, I'm kind of in the business. 1964 01:39:57,074 --> 01:39:58,909 I've never heard of it. 1965 01:39:58,993 --> 01:40:01,620 Yeah, I just discovered it the other night. 1966 01:40:01,704 --> 01:40:04,707 There are not a lot of places in this town that stay open late. 1967 01:40:04,790 --> 01:40:06,834 Yeah. 1968 01:40:06,917 --> 01:40:09,378 - Do-- You know, I-- - I-- Well-- 1969 01:40:09,461 --> 01:40:10,504 Sorry. 1970 01:40:10,587 --> 01:40:12,923 - You go. - No, you go. 1971 01:40:13,007 --> 01:40:16,927 You know, this is-- this is strange for me. 1972 01:40:17,011 --> 01:40:18,887 I've never had a volunteer before. 1973 01:40:20,222 --> 01:40:22,224 Some guys will do anything to get laid. 1974 01:40:26,437 --> 01:40:27,646 Uh-oh. 1975 01:40:35,320 --> 01:40:36,655 This has a... 1976 01:40:36,739 --> 01:40:38,907 a grape aftertaste. 1977 01:40:39,992 --> 01:40:41,910 And you do realize that 1978 01:40:41,994 --> 01:40:45,039 I can't guarantee when or-- 1979 01:40:45,122 --> 01:40:47,916 or even if you'll wake up. 1980 01:40:48,000 --> 01:40:50,419 Yeah. No, I understand. 1981 01:40:58,010 --> 01:40:59,136 You mind if I ask you-- 1982 01:40:59,219 --> 01:41:00,929 you tell me if this is too personal, 1983 01:41:01,013 --> 01:41:05,517 but, uh... how did you get here? 1984 01:41:05,601 --> 01:41:08,854 You know, in the larger sense? 1985 01:41:08,937 --> 01:41:10,522 It's not like I'm gonna be telling anyone 1986 01:41:10,606 --> 01:41:12,775 for an indefinitely long period of time. 1987 01:41:16,695 --> 01:41:17,988 I don't know. 1988 01:41:18,072 --> 01:41:20,115 I don't-- 1989 01:41:20,199 --> 01:41:22,201 I'm not gonna talk about my childhood. 1990 01:41:22,284 --> 01:41:25,454 You know? 'Cause that's not what-- 1991 01:41:25,537 --> 01:41:29,041 My childhood wasn't any better or worse than anyone else-- 1992 01:41:29,124 --> 01:41:31,543 Oh, well, okay. It was a little worse. 1993 01:41:31,627 --> 01:41:34,129 But, uh-- but I escaped. 1994 01:41:35,714 --> 01:41:38,842 That's where I studied poetry and chemistry. 1995 01:41:38,926 --> 01:41:41,804 Obviously better at the latter than the former. 1996 01:41:41,887 --> 01:41:43,180 No, I wouldn't say that. 1997 01:41:43,263 --> 01:41:44,890 I really enjoy your writing. 1998 01:41:50,771 --> 01:41:53,482 You're right, these spices do look amazing. 1999 01:41:53,565 --> 01:41:55,692 I mean, I've only read the stuff that gets printed in the paper, 2000 01:41:55,776 --> 01:41:57,069 after each incident. 2001 01:41:57,152 --> 01:42:00,489 But what was it you spray-painted after Number Seven? 2002 01:42:00,572 --> 01:42:02,533 "My ecstasy, your annihilation." 2003 01:42:02,616 --> 01:42:06,537 "Our mess, nothing left to transgress." 2004 01:42:06,620 --> 01:42:08,539 That's good. 2005 01:42:08,622 --> 01:42:11,583 But where was I? Oh! Yes, of course. 2006 01:42:11,667 --> 01:42:17,089 Before I could graduate, I was swept off my feet. 2007 01:42:17,172 --> 01:42:19,424 My husband was this, uh-- 2008 01:42:21,218 --> 01:42:23,262 everything a girl's supposed to want, right? 2009 01:42:23,345 --> 01:42:26,515 You know. I was his-- his princess. 2010 01:42:26,598 --> 01:42:30,144 He was my Prince Charming. 2011 01:42:31,145 --> 01:42:33,230 Can I try some of your kale? 2012 01:42:33,313 --> 01:42:37,276 - Trade you for that cherry tomato. - All right. 2013 01:42:44,324 --> 01:42:47,536 You don't have to go on if you don't want to. 2014 01:42:47,619 --> 01:42:49,246 No... 2015 01:42:49,329 --> 01:42:53,458 It actually feels good to say the bad out loud. 2016 01:42:55,169 --> 01:42:59,173 But when I said I was his princess, 2017 01:42:59,256 --> 01:43:01,800 I wasn't being metaphorical. 2018 01:43:03,218 --> 01:43:04,219 Every week, 2019 01:43:04,303 --> 01:43:07,055 a new princess costume and a new wig. 2020 01:43:07,139 --> 01:43:08,515 "This way, I won't cheat," 2021 01:43:08,599 --> 01:43:11,101 was the charming way he put it. 2022 01:43:11,185 --> 01:43:13,896 At first, it was...fun? 2023 01:43:13,979 --> 01:43:16,064 But then it wasn't. 2024 01:43:16,148 --> 01:43:17,649 It got rough, and I-- 2025 01:43:32,497 --> 01:43:34,124 Did he hit you? 2026 01:43:34,208 --> 01:43:35,918 Aw... 2027 01:43:36,001 --> 01:43:39,213 You know, I've put over 20 men into a coma. 2028 01:43:39,296 --> 01:43:42,299 When you're handing out that kind of punishment-- 2029 01:43:42,382 --> 01:43:44,426 The short answer is yes. 2030 01:43:44,509 --> 01:43:46,553 Yeah, he hit me. 2031 01:43:46,637 --> 01:43:48,472 And pretty much every other verb 2032 01:43:48,555 --> 01:43:50,390 you could come up with. 2033 01:43:50,474 --> 01:43:52,351 But nothing above the neck. 2034 01:43:52,434 --> 01:43:54,478 The Princess and the Pirate. 2035 01:43:54,561 --> 01:43:56,730 The Princess and the Viking. 2036 01:43:56,813 --> 01:44:00,234 The Princess and the Mongol Warlord. 2037 01:44:00,317 --> 01:44:01,777 Occasionally, he'd mix it up 2038 01:44:01,860 --> 01:44:04,446 and we'd do The Sound of Music, 2039 01:44:04,529 --> 01:44:07,449 as if the Nazis won. 2040 01:44:07,532 --> 01:44:09,034 You know, it couldn't be a crime. 2041 01:44:09,117 --> 01:44:10,452 He was my husband. 2042 01:44:10,535 --> 01:44:14,164 I did not complain. I did not ask questions. 2043 01:44:14,248 --> 01:44:17,167 Although, why anyone would want to treat 2044 01:44:17,251 --> 01:44:19,378 Julie Andrews as a human ashtray... 2045 01:44:19,461 --> 01:44:22,589 As far as questions go, that's a pretty good one. 2046 01:44:24,049 --> 01:44:26,134 It did improve my poetry, though. 2047 01:44:26,218 --> 01:44:28,971 It gave me a lot of good material to work with. 2048 01:44:29,054 --> 01:44:31,431 God, you're a good listener, man. 2049 01:44:31,515 --> 01:44:33,392 You really are. 2050 01:44:34,393 --> 01:44:35,894 Oh, God-- oh. 2051 01:44:35,978 --> 01:44:38,772 Then came Valentine's Day. 2052 01:44:38,855 --> 01:44:42,109 Oh, that was on a good one. 2053 01:44:42,192 --> 01:44:45,612 My hopeless situation, my inability to change. 2054 01:44:45,696 --> 01:44:49,241 But all in iambic pentameter, of course. 2055 01:44:52,035 --> 01:44:54,913 And then... 2056 01:44:55,205 --> 01:44:57,291 F-- 2057 01:45:13,265 --> 01:45:15,392 I should have been happy, right? 2058 01:45:15,475 --> 01:45:18,729 They tried everything. They couldn't wake me up. 2059 01:45:18,812 --> 01:45:21,106 They thought I was in a coma. 2060 01:45:21,189 --> 01:45:23,233 And that's when I had the vision. 2061 01:45:53,638 --> 01:45:56,391 I had become my own Prince Charming. 2062 01:45:56,475 --> 01:45:59,770 But there was much work to be done in my kingdom. 2063 01:45:59,853 --> 01:46:01,897 Battles to be fought, 2064 01:46:01,980 --> 01:46:04,232 wars to be won. 2065 01:46:06,443 --> 01:46:09,529 You can pretty much connect the dots from there. 2066 01:46:09,613 --> 01:46:12,908 Costumes, chemistry, poetry, 2067 01:46:12,991 --> 01:46:15,452 mutually degrading sexuality, 2068 01:46:15,535 --> 01:46:18,205 comas, "men suck." 2069 01:46:18,288 --> 01:46:20,832 I don't know how much longer I can keep running around like this. 2070 01:46:20,916 --> 01:46:22,292 It's not like I can't afford it. 2071 01:46:22,376 --> 01:46:25,295 I mean, my husband was Victor Rose IV. 2072 01:46:25,379 --> 01:46:27,506 Victor R-- wow. 2073 01:46:27,589 --> 01:46:28,799 Small world. 2074 01:46:28,882 --> 01:46:31,343 I kind of had a one-night stand with his grandma. 2075 01:46:31,426 --> 01:46:33,345 Granny C? 2076 01:46:33,428 --> 01:46:35,472 My story's not as compelling as yours, 2077 01:46:35,555 --> 01:46:37,140 but, uh, exactly a year ago, 2078 01:46:37,224 --> 01:46:39,768 I received a list of everyone I'd ever had sex with 2079 01:46:39,851 --> 01:46:41,686 and ever would have sex with. 2080 01:46:41,770 --> 01:46:44,564 I find that very compelling. 2081 01:46:44,648 --> 01:46:47,484 I-- I think we should order dessert. 2082 01:46:47,567 --> 01:46:50,028 Raspberry tart? Two forks? 2083 01:46:51,446 --> 01:46:53,949 You think I'm lying? 2084 01:46:54,032 --> 01:46:55,409 - You think I'm insane. - No! 2085 01:46:55,492 --> 01:46:57,202 No. I-- 2086 01:46:57,285 --> 01:46:59,454 And believe me, I am an expert on both. 2087 01:47:00,372 --> 01:47:04,292 But Bambi and Thumper. Seriously. 2088 01:47:04,376 --> 01:47:06,420 The Beyond-Ultimate Lesbian Power Couple. 2089 01:47:06,503 --> 01:47:08,839 Yes. What a night. 2090 01:47:10,799 --> 01:47:13,552 Ohhh, fuck. 2091 01:47:15,011 --> 01:47:16,430 Fuck. 2092 01:47:20,475 --> 01:47:22,269 You know, uh-- 2093 01:47:22,352 --> 01:47:24,146 I'd like to think that I-- 2094 01:47:24,229 --> 01:47:25,981 I put something interesting out there 2095 01:47:26,064 --> 01:47:27,858 into the atmosphere. 2096 01:47:27,941 --> 01:47:30,026 You know? 2097 01:47:30,110 --> 01:47:32,612 Just the whole idea of a... 2098 01:47:32,696 --> 01:47:36,158 a woman being able to put a man down like a dog 2099 01:47:36,241 --> 01:47:38,034 for being bad, or... 2100 01:47:39,911 --> 01:47:42,956 for no reason at all. 2101 01:47:43,039 --> 01:47:44,708 I mean, well... 2102 01:47:44,791 --> 01:47:46,668 well, women have had to deal with 2103 01:47:46,751 --> 01:47:50,714 the anytime, anywhere dark impulses of men 2104 01:47:50,797 --> 01:47:52,257 forever, so... 2105 01:47:52,340 --> 01:47:55,177 God, I thought... 2106 01:47:55,260 --> 01:47:56,470 it was time to make the men 2107 01:47:56,553 --> 01:47:59,514 shake in their boots for a while, you know? 2108 01:47:59,598 --> 01:48:02,517 I guess... 2109 01:48:02,601 --> 01:48:05,520 that's how I-- I rationalized it. 2110 01:48:05,604 --> 01:48:07,939 I-- I am gone-- 2111 01:48:08,023 --> 01:48:10,275 No, that's okay. 2112 01:48:10,358 --> 01:48:12,027 We're all gone. You know, it's-- 2113 01:48:13,069 --> 01:48:17,032 So many games, names. 2114 01:48:17,115 --> 01:48:18,450 Who did you love? 2115 01:48:18,533 --> 01:48:21,244 And who did you really love? 2116 01:48:21,328 --> 01:48:23,663 Did you break their heart? 2117 01:48:23,747 --> 01:48:26,708 Or did they break yours? Or-- 2118 01:48:26,791 --> 01:48:30,295 You know there's some real bliss in there somewhere. 2119 01:48:30,378 --> 01:48:33,381 And all you're left with is... 2120 01:48:34,591 --> 01:48:36,343 exhaustion. 2121 01:48:41,097 --> 01:48:42,474 I always liked that word. 2122 01:48:46,394 --> 01:48:49,272 Oh, and "depleted," 2123 01:48:49,356 --> 01:48:53,193 "dissipated," and "spent." 2124 01:48:53,276 --> 01:48:55,529 Those are good ones. 2125 01:48:55,612 --> 01:48:58,865 But "exhaustion..." 2126 01:48:58,949 --> 01:49:00,867 sounds like what it is. 2127 01:49:03,119 --> 01:49:05,539 And what better cure than sleep? 2128 01:49:06,790 --> 01:49:08,792 Lots of sleep. 2129 01:49:11,878 --> 01:49:13,463 I'll get this. 2130 01:49:13,547 --> 01:49:15,465 I insist. 2131 01:49:17,342 --> 01:49:19,135 Roderick. 2132 01:49:24,933 --> 01:49:25,976 Do you mind? 2133 01:49:27,644 --> 01:49:29,145 What, do you want me to take two, 2134 01:49:29,229 --> 01:49:31,147 in case the first one doesn't do the trick? 2135 01:49:31,231 --> 01:49:32,232 No! 2136 01:49:35,193 --> 01:49:38,613 I was just thinking, since we're together... 2137 01:49:40,574 --> 01:49:43,827 while I'm putting one in your mouth, you could... 2138 01:49:43,910 --> 01:49:45,620 put one... 2139 01:49:47,539 --> 01:49:49,499 Oh. 2140 01:49:49,583 --> 01:49:52,294 You-- You sure about this? 2141 01:49:52,377 --> 01:49:53,503 Yeah. 2142 01:49:53,587 --> 01:49:54,588 You know, I'm not gonna lie. 2143 01:49:54,671 --> 01:49:56,464 I'm a little flattered. 2144 01:49:58,842 --> 01:50:01,428 You should be. 2145 01:50:02,637 --> 01:50:03,638 Go back to my room? 2146 01:50:04,681 --> 01:50:05,765 Oh, no, no, no. 2147 01:50:05,849 --> 01:50:07,726 Not that room. 2148 01:50:08,727 --> 01:50:10,270 A different room. 2149 01:50:14,024 --> 01:50:15,483 Yeah. 2150 01:51:00,779 --> 01:51:01,821 So that's it. 2151 01:51:01,905 --> 01:51:04,199 The end of my story. 2152 01:51:04,282 --> 01:51:07,285 Well, one of my stories. 2153 01:51:07,369 --> 01:51:08,286 Mommy! Daddy! 2154 01:51:08,370 --> 01:51:11,039 I found a totato for the picnic! 2155 01:51:11,122 --> 01:51:13,458 - A totato! - Totat-- [chuckles] 2156 01:51:13,541 --> 01:51:16,503 Boy, you really are the farmer in the family. 2157 01:51:16,586 --> 01:51:18,672 - That's-- - Let's see that. 2158 01:51:18,755 --> 01:51:21,049 I think I know what we're having for the picnic! 2159 01:51:21,132 --> 01:51:22,717 - Make some totato soup! 2160 01:51:22,801 --> 01:51:24,969 Buddy, what do you think? That sound good? 2161 01:51:25,053 --> 01:51:27,555 The story of how I settled down, 2162 01:51:27,639 --> 01:51:28,807 how I met my wife. 2163 01:51:31,643 --> 01:51:33,186 Of how I learned that sometimes, 2164 01:51:33,269 --> 01:51:36,648 what seem to be answers are really questions in disguise. 2165 01:51:37,982 --> 01:51:39,526 The Machine's list taught me the who, 2166 01:51:39,609 --> 01:51:42,362 the what, the where, and the when 2167 01:51:42,445 --> 01:51:45,073 is never as important as the why. 2168 01:51:45,156 --> 01:51:47,742 And the why's not all that important, either. 2169 01:51:47,826 --> 01:51:52,580 * I want to unmake every bed * 2170 01:51:52,664 --> 01:51:57,085 * That I laid down on * 2171 01:51:57,168 --> 01:52:02,382 * Give back everything I've won * 2172 01:52:05,051 --> 01:52:07,470 * Good days * 2173 01:52:07,554 --> 01:52:09,597 * There'll be * 2174 01:52:09,681 --> 01:52:12,684 * Bad days * 2175 01:52:14,018 --> 01:52:18,815 * I want to unread every book * 2176 01:52:18,898 --> 01:52:22,861 * That my eyes laid on * 2177 01:52:22,944 --> 01:52:25,155 If it really is all a game, 2178 01:52:25,238 --> 01:52:26,865 sometimes the best thing you can do 2179 01:52:26,948 --> 01:52:28,825 is press the reset button. 2180 01:52:29,993 --> 01:52:34,748 * I want to unsing every song * 2181 01:52:34,831 --> 01:52:39,335 * Unwrite every line * 2182 01:52:39,419 --> 01:52:42,630 For the first time in my life, I am. 2183 01:52:42,714 --> 01:52:44,716 I dare not add an adjective-- 2184 01:52:44,799 --> 01:52:48,219 mature, content, happy. 2185 01:52:48,303 --> 01:52:50,805 "I am" is good enough for now. 2186 01:52:52,015 --> 01:52:54,934 Life is a lot like death. 2187 01:52:55,018 --> 01:52:58,772 It happens to everyone, whether they like it or not. 2188 01:52:58,855 --> 01:53:00,732 The meaning of it all? 2189 01:53:00,815 --> 01:53:02,817 Honestly? 2190 01:53:02,901 --> 01:53:04,277 Who gives a fuck? 2191 01:53:24,881 --> 01:53:29,636 * I want to unsew every seam * 2192 01:53:29,719 --> 01:53:34,057 * Unwind every clock * 2193 01:53:34,140 --> 01:53:39,395 * Unbreathe every breath I've made * 2194 01:53:43,191 --> 01:53:47,695 * I want to unset every sun * 2195 01:53:47,779 --> 01:53:52,492 * That my eyes fell on * 2196 01:53:52,575 --> 01:53:57,831 * Till I give back all I've won * 2197 01:54:01,668 --> 01:54:03,878 * Good days * 2198 01:54:03,962 --> 01:54:05,880 * There'll be * 2199 01:54:05,964 --> 01:54:08,800 * Bad days * 2200 01:54:10,844 --> 01:54:12,971 * Good days * 2201 01:54:13,054 --> 01:54:15,139 * There'll be * 2202 01:54:15,223 --> 01:54:18,101 * Bad days * 2203 01:54:19,894 --> 01:54:22,105 * Good days * 2204 01:54:22,188 --> 01:54:24,315 * There'll be * 2205 01:54:24,399 --> 01:54:26,985 * Bad days * 2206 01:54:29,028 --> 01:54:31,322 * Good days * 2207 01:54:31,406 --> 01:54:33,700 * There'll be * 2208 01:54:33,783 --> 01:54:36,703 * Bad days *